Saying Goodbye

A lovely guy came early this morning to pick up 

this table. Hannah had re-listed it for sale and this time

Bam! right away.

Slowly but surely my things are going 

away to new homes and making new memories.

As they were loading pieces onto the truck, 

I started weeping and Hannah my sweet girl

immediately understood why.

I got a tremendous buy on that table and

 bought it specifically for this house

26 years ago. I painted all the pieces

including the china cupboard that is now

also gone after the Oct sale.

So many memories took place 

around that table. Birthday parties,

holidays, my annual Christmas sit down

dinners for 12 friends,

and every night dinners when it was

still the four of us. 

So happy and grateful for our home 

and our family. 

Minutes after the buyer drove away,

I was saying goodbye to darling daughter and 

her loves Tom and David.

The tears then flowed some more.

I am so weary of saying goodbye.

Being forced to let go of loved ones 

and cherished keepsakes,

even though it is the process of life.

These two

"How lucky I am to have something

that makes saying goodbye so hard."  pooh

Ugly Cry

Every year someone gives a gift to mama

that results in an ugly cry.

This year the winner was Hannah,

with a memento of my four - four legged loves.

Gadget and Libbey came before the blog but have 

been mentioned of course.

Justice and Howie have been blog subjects 

since the first day. 

It's been hard with the granddogs here.

A constant reminder of what is missing.

The sounds of a dog jumping off a bed then

hitting the floor. Nails scrambling across the tile

as they make the sharp turn into the kitchen.

Doggie sighs as they settle down to sleep

in their chosen chairs.

Sounds of lapping at the water bowl. 

Even doggie farts, thank you David.

I miss it all until I ache.

One kid couple in Michigan since Sunday.

Other kid couple at his dad's today.

I'm going to watch movies and 

bake and eat cookies till I'm ill.

Merry Christmas to all

and may god help us next year.

I fear some more ugly cries.

Getting Comfy

The Granddog is getting comfy.

I got out of the shower this a.m. to find him 

in my bed. 

His folks worry about him but I 

think he is doing alright. 

The bed will remain unmade 

as I do not have the heart to disturb him.

I'm a pushover.

Memory Tree

For many years I had two 

large gates in my hallway

covered with memorabilia,

 many of the pieces are gifts

 from blog friends. 

The majority from my very 

special friend Carole.

I sold the gates at my last sale 

and the pieces that hung on them

 sat in a box on my bedroom 

floor for over two months.

Today I remembered this skinny tree

 tucked away in a closet

and trimmed it out with anything 

from the box that would fit.

One small star light strand up the middle. 

There are keys from my dad, 

the first wishbone from my

first turkey with my husband, 

trinkets I made long ago, milagros, 

even a pocket watch.

The memories make me happy.

Good thoughts to help me sleep.

Counting the days till kids and grand-dogs arrive.

I'm grand-dog sitting David the talking husky.

 Good thing we spent the week

sleeping together at Thanksgiving so he 

won't be worried about his folks. I hope...

Not everyone can be here at the same time,

so a very patchwork holiday.

January may bring a very special gift for me.

It is not for sure just yet, but soon I may have

another best friend to share my life.

It arrives not in the manner I had planned,

but it is a gift out of love and friendship to me.

I am cautiously excited.

How is everything going for you?

Z

Priscilla

This ball of energy came very close to being renamed

Mamie Eisenhower, an homage to Howie,

 whose real name was Eisenhower,

and coming to live with me.

 I spent last week in LA with the kids

and my DD#2 had scheduled an appointment

at the dog cafe for Saturday.

There you get to spend one hour in a large room

 playing with available dogs and then you fill out an

extensive application, home visit etc.

I went with an attitude that this is all too soon,

and I had a certain type in mind...

Priscilla hopped onto my lap within minutes 

and promptly fell asleep in my arms.

I was in love.

 She stayed there about 40 minutes

until suddenly her best friend 

Randy was adopted and left.

She was frantic.

If you go to the link and are in LA 

Vivien was also a love, but too large for me

while carrying 0/2.

We left, and Ben and Hannah

filled out the application ( right outside the door)

as time was of the essence.

It took 45 minutes doing that, and that night we answered

 a zillion questions on line and sent pics of entire home.

Fast forward we discovered she had been returned

 once already due to her super high energy 

( they referred to her as tazmanian devil) 

which did not scare me too much 

as she was only 8 months old.

But the first three weeks after adoption, 

she would have to live in 

LA with Tom and Hannah who work A LOT

and she would add stress to their schedules.

Then we planned they would drive

 her to me at Christmas.

When we discovered the hyperactivity

 I decided the timing wasn't right 

and so I removed my application.

This is not a "first serve" 

they "SELECT" the best fit for the dog. 

Ben and Helene took me to two more shelters on Sunday

but I didn't connect with any other pooches.

At first it felt like serendipity with Priscilla even though

I am still grieving, but then my practical self

said don't rush, it'll happen.

A week with the kids was amazing. 

David my grand-dog slept with me every night.

I can now tell you that Ben and Helene

bought a house. They close very soon.

They are beyond excited 

and then 5 months later the wedding!!!

Excited and uber stressed

I missed being able to see inside or help the move

by one week. Things were delayed.

Thanksgiving dinner was delicious.

I made a five cheese mac and cheese

( first time we had for turkey day) that I 

will make again, and Ben made

 his famous sausage stuffing 

and Hannah cooked a perfect bird. 

Of course I came home with a horrific cold/cough

Luckily driving like a bat out of hell

 got me home in 4 hours.

I got my 0/2 and perishables out of the car

and left everything else in it.

It may stay there till the weekend.

Gonna catch up with Y'all soon.

Is it really December 3rd already!!

Damn I only have the porch decorated so far.

Maybe we'll just hang there the whole time. 

Z

It Takes Two

Cup of coffee in my favorite holiday mug

 The latest in Spenser series-

Not the same as Robert B's

but good enough.

So Pretty

Anything to cheer up her mama

My grand-dog David

That's after only one deep brushing.

He looks younger and is dramatically thinner.

He's a sweetheart but THAT hair 

goes everywhere.

Christmas On The Porch

Twelve days of Christmas

My tables always have "quick removal" displays for dining

Reds appealed to me this year

Picks and House of Hatten collectibles

There is a light inside of the log cabin,

and red berries now on the greens.

I kept coming back after I snapped photos.

That stucco you see is the original rear of house.

View from the family room couch

That empty basket beneath the table

is now filled with greens and berries also.

As always, my decor is just loads of picks plunked

into existing decor. I remove nothing unless

 I need a little space.

This time I removed a pitcher of flowers 

from the table so I could lay down greens.

Merry Merry 

Z

Getting There

You don't get over it.

You get through it.

I am slogging thru life at the moment.

One bright spot is this visitor.

Kitty has been setting off my motion detector 

many times, day and night for months now.

Two days ago I opened the back door 

right after the "ping" on my phone 

and kitty walked right in.

I believe he lives in the same model

as I have, as he went straight to laundry room

as if looking for food or litter.

He roamed a bit and left.

I worry for him, don't know how far he wanders.

Local coyotes love kitties.

Today he was back and visited me on porch

where I am trying to find holiday spirit.

Slogging thru is correct term.

I am deep in a fog.

Pain so thick and heavy

 it needs to be shaken off and shed.

So much additional love

from kids and blog friends who know that

pain far too well.

In the past, doing my House of Hatten tree

 would take about 90 minutes.

Yesterday it took me hours as I kept 

wandering away or sitting down and just ...well

sitting.

Good thing I'm starting early.

I'm going to be awhile getting there.

Z

Howie My Love

I lost Howie yesterday

I am heartbroken

Inconsolable

My dear best friend was not even given

 the grace to go gently.

I won't be around for awhile I suppose.

My constant companion has left

me floundering out in this harsh world 

that I want no part of.

Howie Up Date

Howie turned south pretty quickly

 after I posted last night.

I decided to stay up and watch him all night and I

am so grateful I did. 

Vomiting and worse came on very fast and by 

2:30 am I was racing cross town to 

the emergency hospital.

By the time I arrived he was critical and they 

jumped into action. At 5:30am I had to

 drive home to get 

another 0/2 tank as mine had run out,

I was back at emergency by 7:00am

and then I transported him IV's and all

back to original vet hospital.

By now he was in serious condition but

even the short ride over spiked his fever and we

were dicey again. He has been admitted for 2-3

days and prognosis is still up in the air.

I'm a mess. Three hours sleep in 3 days

and I've cried rivers.

All I can think is he's in pain which 

he is and it's severe. They cannot give pain relief 

because of other issues.

He looks at me, when he can, to say

why Mom why?

I can't stay there with him,

even though they all notice his breathing calms

 when he can see me.

My heart is breaking.

He needs your prayers also, not just the hundreds

Hannah and I have been sending out, so

please if you would?

As soon as there is good news I'll write again.

thanks guys

Z

Poor Baby Boy Howie

That is what Hannah said when 

she called to check on Howie

tonight.

Here he is right after he came home

from his oral surgery.

His head so heavy he could not lift it up

from his water bowl.

He is one drugged up pooch.

It is now 9:00 pm and he has barely moved.

I was a wreck all day worrying

myself sick. He is nearly 15

so anesthesia is risky.

He has not been eating much

 at all these past weeks

so that has me worried also.

Perhaps it was his teeth.

We'll know in a week or so.

Meanwhile I have to get three HUGE 

pills a day into a dog who

 is too whacked out to eat and opening his 

sore mouth to push them down is an 

impossible feat on a good day.

Of course I'll be on the couch listening

all night to be sure he is OK.

My heart is breaking for my

Poor Baby Boy Howie

Z

The Studio

You would need to be very familiar

with my studio that made it into magazines and books

to notice the changes perhaps, but 

changes indeed have occurred.

Several cabinets that were either on the floor

 or hanging on the walls

are now gone.

Inside the cabinets studio materials

have been down sized and rearranged.

The curtains are gone from the loft opening,

bringing needed light. 

They were only there to hide the backs of cabinets

that could be seen from downstairs.

This small table sits where a triple doored cabinet

 and large easy chair used to be.

Now my Cricut and Gemini 

are always out and nagging me to use.

The table can be easily pulled to the end of my

work table for when friends come crafting.

The tablecloth is temporary.

I just found the mustard paint I want

 to re-paint the top which was 

severely in need after years outside.

I know folks who haven't changed

 a thing in their homes in decades.

This I find hard to imagine.

For me that would be like always eating

in the one same restaurant,

wearing the same clothes every day,

watching only the same few shows

eating the same meals,

sleeping in the same linens forever.

I am not the same person year after year

and my environment is crucial to my 

sense of comfort and peace.

I am not a fan of wastefulness

and it takes very little money to 

be creative. In fact I am making

money as I change over my home; 

selling off many items for what I paid and 

some even for a small profit.

The two carloads to donation 

and several hundred books to local library

make my heart happy.

go forth 

be bold

Make your corner of the universe

work for you

and please your soul.

Z

Tweak Not Twerk Nor Twitter

I looked at prior photo in post and thought

It's OK...

but this is better. 

I kept everything from before

and just added some shapes and color.

Tweaked it

 A couple days after my changes and I love the room

more every time I walk thru.

Change is good baby

Lighten your load

To help you decide

about your spaces I recommend

taking photos. 

What doesn't fit or is "off"

will be glaringly obvious.

And as for Twitter

I never did it

and after #45 I never will.

I Am Woman I Can Do Anything

From base cabinet

to cart

from cart

 to two totes

to one tote

one flip

second flip

 floor

TA DA 

Mickey and Me

Halloween 1988

and now Mickey is getting married.

Updates

Updates on the personal front.

Ben and Helene

 have set a May wedding date 

Ben just finished working on

the first season of 

Chasing the Cure for TNT.

Hannah and crew are making preparations to 

go to Amsterdam with their 

winning short for that festival.

If they place in the top 10 there,

 they go on to Cannes.

Tom is playing Goldstein in

 George Orwell's 1984 

adapted by Michael Gene Sullivan 

with Tim Robbins and 

The Actors Gang

Busy enough?

The holidays are going to be crazy

 as the kids are making pit stops here,

both before and after they head 

to Detroit  (DD and TOM)

and AZ ( DS and DD2)

Not sure yet if we will all be in

the house at the same time.

I hope so, for

2019 is likely to be the last Christmas in

the house where they grew up.

It will also be the easiest Holiday as I 

sold off about 75% of decorations.

My trusty go-to picks are still out there,

so never fear.

Howie back at vet today

progress, but not there yet.

I have a new cardiologist as of this Saturday.

Cross your fingers eh?

and

I managed to slide the hutch top 

( see yesterday's post) off and down

onto this cart easily enough

but now can't get it off the cart.

I need 2 more step down pieces

 to get close enough to floor.

Stay tuned...

Z

another update:

I received a comment from a good and trusted blog friend

who thought perhaps I was altering my personality

by paring down so drastically.

 I appreciate such honesty and agree that

I am changing.

It's not just about moving

It's not just about selling the house

It is about very positive changes

that I think we all need to address.

About Nathaniel

Another friend wanted a close up

Again stay tuned