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Thursday, April 8, 2010

There Are Moments and Miracles

There are moments.
Aha moments! I'll never forget the look on her face moments.
My world will never be the same moments.

Darling daughter has many assignments in her studio art classes.
She was welding a hot air balloon earlier this week.

While video chatting last evening she said "Mama, I want to show you something."
With the sweetest of smiles she pulls a large canvas into view and there I am:
17 years old, my Senior Year photo painted onto canvas.

Darling daughter had taken to college a coveted old sewing tin from my Great Aunt.
In it were small treasures, mementos from home,
and squirreled away in there I suppose was this picture.
In the photo, I am a year younger than she is now and it is not difficult to see
that she is my child, my likeness, and yet, not me.

Of all the images in the world to paint for an assignment, darling daughter chose this one,
and even added a few letters of my HS nickname Rennie in the corner.
Peculiar she would do that since it was discussed pre-birth as a possible name
for her ...along with Paisley, a paternal name, also considered.
I have been thanked many times for NOT using that one.

I will never forget this moment. Her peeking behind the canvas,
holding it up so I could see the entire piece on my computer screen,
all the while saying "it's not finished, but I wanted you to see."

What I saw was,
my darling daughter seeing me.
Not just as her Mom, not just a middle aged, often poorly dressed,
occasional authoritarian figure, with jiggly bits and double chins.
She saw me as we all can see ourselves with eyes closed and hearts open.
17 and beautiful, bursting with dreams and plans.
That summer of 7o I don't yet know that
many of those dreams will come true and many of them won't.
I don't know that I will be so blessed with my children
and will mourn both parents passing way too soon. I am frozen in time,
unaware that hearts really can and do shatter, but keep on beating out a new rhythm.

There are moments when you feel your children inside your heart
as you felt the movements inside the womb.
Tangible, thumping, beating, a living part of you.
I see my child as the young woman she is, as the little girl she was,
as the woman she is becoming. The miracle is; she sees me.

She told me as she worked on the canvas there were difficult areas
she struggled with and she was able to go to a mirror
and study the length and breadth of her nose, of her brows, to copy.
The miracle is; she sees me in her, and wanted to capture the moment.


the old white house said...

Suzan, I loved this story so much... what a special bond you have with your daughter. Thank you for sharing such a touching moment with us...Theresa

oldgreymare said...


Those kids of mine, darling daughter and dearest son...they slay (def: verb:informal impress or amuse) me more often than not. Just the sound of the "mama" from her and the "hey" from him brings the lump into my throat every time. How did I get so blessed?

Thank you for stopping by ;-)


Tanya said...

I LOVE this post...simple as that!

Julie@beingRUBY said...

Oh Suzan
What a wonderful post.. so full of heart and emotion... It must be a spectacular feeling to have that bond with your children... and even more so to know she 'gets' you.... and sees all your potential .. not just the 'mama' bits... beautiful......

what an amazing time we live in that you can video chat with your daughter xx many miles away... and that we can be friends with an ocean between us.... very amazing indeed.... xxx Julie

north pal said...

oh how beautiful. what a compliment. this has to burst your buttons and make your so so proud. bless her and you! Bestest,Denise

erin's art and gardens said...

wowza suzan...this was (is) so beautiful and lump in my throat touching!! what a wonderful moment to treasure with your daughter!! of course, i'd love to see the art? pretty please :0)

Carole said...

You have such a great children that really sees you as you are.
I read this last night and was so moved and balled my eyes I thought I'd better come back tomorrow and comment when I got a grip. lol
Now you know we want to see this masterpiece.

joanne said...

such a beautiful's obvious that you and she cherish and love each other as you are, and all you can be!
thank you for sharing something so personal and heartfelt.
Enjoy your weekend..;p

Kristin said...

Sweet, sweet love...this made me cry!

Kristin said...

Sweet, sweet love...this made me cry!