BEGIN

Challenged here to select a word for this next year I thought I would have difficulty in selecting only one to use as my guide, my inspiration for 2011. That is until I started my list for January, those pesky chores that lay awaiting my attention...bumped repeatedly ahead to deal with next month or perhaps the month after that....

From the small ~ touching up the kitchen cabinets, to the large ~ repainting the  garage floor, to the enormous ~ when to move, if to move, and where to move. Big pesky, oh dear, what to do things.


Things can pile up on us, the humdrum of every day and the emotional roller coasters; all can make us rush in, throw us off course, set us plunging toward the wrong directions, the wrong answers. Or we can get out of our own way and just 

BE STILL.

Ignore the life buzzings in the ears, the restless flutter of nerves, and simply listen...

BE STILL

Last year I chose as a mantra the power of forgiveness, the power of grace. If any of you made it down to the bottom of my playlist you encountered Alice Peacock. I placed her there because the song profoundly matters to me but is not exactly holiday worthy.The song says it all.

So, properly empowered, I knew that now I must move forward, no longer mired in the quicksand of the past, yet afraid to head off into any direction, instead spinning round and round systematically screwing myself back further down into the muck.

BE STILL

BE CALM

In the calm I find my way, one step at a time, prepared to change direction if that is where I am led. I have learned this past year that I cannot get there by thought alone; action, any action however small must be taken, and so the word I chose...

 BEGIN

I don't need to seek the endings, only the beginnings, I need only to start, a step, a first thought, a hatchling of an idea. Get out of my own way... 

BEGIN.

It is a New Year with all the plump buds of promise and possibility. I wish you warmth and health, and laughter and joy. I wish you peace in this new year, and leave you with gratitude for touching however briefly into this place with your visits and your words. You matter to me, truly you do, and I strive to treat you with love and kindness here in my world.

Be Well

Be Happy

Be At Peace

Suzan

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is  essential is invisible to the eye.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

with gratitude always to Macky.

No Picture

I searched for a photo to show contentment-

something that signifies those big sigh moments.

The feeling is too deep, too personal,

too all encompassing with goodness and light 

and the belief in miracles and hope for our futures,

and I know it is so damnable fleeting,

so I grasp it leaving small holes where I clutched it 

to my breast with a sigh of such contentment 

my heart could burst.

No photos were taken yesterday, I could not pry myself 

away from being "in the moment" 

each blink of each moment

to get behind the lens and try to focus anything worthwhile. 

(and I'm SO bad at it anyway)

I will regret not having them, and curse 

my lazy butt for not at least trying to capture

the feelings, the laughter.

They are burned instead into my memory, 

a few more precious private moments

 with my children, mother to child.

It is truly all I will leave them.

Oh, I have imparted much wisdom to 

rolled back eyes and sighs of

"not again Mom" but I know it is the quiet 

memories that will live on in my children's hearts.

There will be tales told of how
 I mispronounce dinosaur every time, 

(and I wonder why the word comes up so damn often)
 and how I far too frequently need to "plan" what we are to do next, much to their dismay.

But when these tales are told it will be with love and 

humor as to who this Mother was to these children.

This day after, I hope you are nestled

 in the arms of those you love and 

are continuing to create magical

memories of your own.

Suzan

Note to self: 

Next year Z, hire a photographer!

Merry Christmas

Wishing all of you a healthy, 

happy and merry Christmas.

I loved getting to know you

 and sharing our lives.

Thank you for your support,

your laughter,

and your kindness.

May all your wishes

and dreams for the New Year

come true.

Suzan

ARK NEEDED

www.livius.org


My heart goes out to all those getting drenched 

and flooded. I was on a rain soaked ladder

 in my pj's at 6 am trying to unstop

a rain gutter on my porch, and feeling 

sorry for myself, although I know it 

could be so much worse and is 

for so many of you.

Instead of sewing a wee house yesterday,

I should have sewn together an ark!

Hope all of you dear friends are safe.

Dearest Son's plane broke (thankfully on the ground)

so he has yet to make it home. Mama is 

very anxious. 

***********

Joy * HE'S HOME * Joy

When all is done, or nearly done

Cookies either made or dough is chilling.

All gifts sent, delivered or wrapped.

 Cards long since mailed.

 Decorations done.

Son to arrive in hours.

What to do?

Make a little white house.

Lots and lots of itsy bitsy stitches.

Lots more to add but I'm 

happy with the direction it is taking.

Next come flowers.

Helps pass those long hours waiting for 

both children to be back under my roof.

Happy White Wednesday all!

Please visit Faded Charm

Darling Daughter

Please bear with me, it's a day for memories.

Twenty years ago today Darling Daughter was born.

It was a very stressful day because 

of tragic events that occurred 

to my OB just days before my scheduled C-section.

(My body refuses to go into labor even after 8 hours

 of Pitocin- we learned the hard way with dearest son)

My OB's infant daughter had just died 

from SIDs and I had been referred to 

another OB who made our lives hell for three 

days because he insisted on amnio 2 days before my due date,

and poked me three times without getting fluid and then said

 "let's wait for nature".

Nature made my first birth a 10 lb 3 oz birth!

I called the office sobbing, and my 
OB was there in the office and he said 
come on in, let's see what we can do.

Putting aside his unbearable grief, he scheduled me
 for the next morning and Darling Daughter 
arrived by C-section. 
Because of his grief he asked me if 
another doctor could "close me up"
 so that he could get right home.
 "Of course" I said! He gave me a kiss and off he went.

Bless you David wherever you are now...

The new Doctor who must have been trained under the Amnio idiot, ignored the warning painted 

on my stomach to use paper tape ONLY and proceeded to use adhesive tape. 24 hours later I have a raging infection at the site and the same Doc is insisting I take a percosett for pain. I give him the long story of sensitivity blah blah blah and not taking anything because I'm nursing. Yep, you heard right..I take only Tylenol after c - sections..OUCH! 

We battle for hours, he assures me it does not travel through breast milk, and I succumb to a pill.

Within 1 hour of nursing DD has a mild seizure which nurse assures me is normal in some newborns? 

Another pill is given, more nursing and the next hour DD suffers 2 grand mals which we witness and 2 more after they returned her to the nursery to be checked.

To not bore you to drink with the long details, 

DD ended up in neonatal, first row.

I have never been so terrified in my life.

I couldn't nurse her, she was put through a battery of tests

all day for 2 days and they knew nothing. 

I could not sleep ( maybe THAT is where it started?),

I could not eat, and they could tell us nothing.

Through it all I kept asking on a continuous loop, 

"could it have been the percosett?"

"No"  "Doubtful"  "Of course not" 

I'm checking merck manuals which disagree, 

and calling every person I know who has 

nurse's skills or who is married to a DR!

5 days later after no nursing, no more seizures 

and no bad results in testing they were stumped.

DD had been moved to the back of the room, the row where

babies go home. It was Christmas Eve day, and I had been 

harassing every neonatologist ( she had 5) for answers.

All I could get was "inconclusive". 

Finally we were told we could bring her home that night.

I grabbed the Doctor signing her out and begging I said

" Look, I need to know...Am I taking home a healthy child or do I need to sleep with my hand on her back in the bassinet checking for her breathing for the next 6 months?

 He started to shrug me off, and I grabbed his arm and made him face me, made him see me, and said, "if it was the percosett, if that Dr was wrong, if it traveled to her tiny ultra sensitive system and just like her Mama, she reacts very negatively to pain killers; if that is what it was, and there is no looming danger to this wee being who is my life...

I need to know.."

He looked me straight in the eye, and very quietly said.

"You are taking home a healthy child" and walked away. 

20 years ago on Christmas Eve, Darling Daughter came home,

and has offered us nothing but joy every day since.

Happy Birthday my Darling Daughter

we will now return to our regular programming. 

Tinsel Tree and TV

White Christmas was on last night.

Of course I had to watch it.

Of course I had to have busy hands.

All the parts ready to be added.

Styrofoam helping to steady it since I do 

not have three hands. Tinsel is a silver green from

Bethany Lowe.

 

 Couple hours later....tree!

I will find a container today just right for my "made by my hand" tinsel tree. I can't stop thinking about making a 4' one.

Darling Daughter has promised to help make 50 Moravian stars that I bought from a Martha Stewart kit at least a decade ago, and they are in shades of tan, rose and white.

Perfect for a tinsel tree.

If it is to go up this year I had better hurry. 

Wonder what is on TV this weekend?

 I thought the trees looked so pretty last night  

and had to get a shot or two.

This is the front room; a vaulted 2 1/2 story. 

So, I have heat.

I also have roofers, not reindeer, clomping

on the roof doing repair from yesterday's installation,

and painters and drywall men in my closet 

repairing the giant hole they cut to get the unit up there.

VERY noisy

Don't they know I have trees to make?

HEAT

WE'LL HAVE HEAT

in a few hours

nuff said

thank you for all your "warm" wishes 

THIS AND THAT

This and that and.....

last little touches, no really...

Cookie cutters all ready for next week's baking

Just found these plump little birdies

Best part of all

* postscript With several comments on this board I was reminded of many

mornings coming down into the kitchen and turning to see that visiting

teenagers had gotten creative with the listings and many were now quite bawdy.

I miss those days- most of them anyway

Please visit Faded Charm for White Wednesday,

hosted by the delightful Kathleen.

Normal People

What do normal people do when it is 2 am and they cannot sleep?

Do they make a winter wonderland for their departed relatives?

Is it just me? Am I admitting this?

Since I've exposed my quirks frequently here

 I will go one further.

My father's clock and the crystal ball?

I do stuff like this in my home...tuck in something that tickles

my fancy, the meaning observed by no one but me.

The Big Ben an homage to time passing.

The crystal ball, a hat's off to my 

Great Grandma Mamer, said to 

be a witch of sorts, at least to the extent that 

she would predict the sex of unborn babies. 

Also a query as to what the future

 holds if the past is represented here.

Remember we were discussing normalcy....?

The Z collection, a gift from darling daughter.

Photos of natural items discovered in our yard,

 then formed into Z's. 

Still not sleeping, of course everyone decides to 

make a coffee filter wreath around 3 am?

 Probably should do this when more awake, 

or you receive burned finger tips from glue gun.

Ouch! 

An old friend around for many Christmases.

 Merry Merry!

I'll be napping this afternoon- just leave a message.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Festive

Festive isn't always about the grand decorated trees 

or the sweeping vistas of snow covered forests.

Sometimes festive is the wee little touches,

the tiny treasures tucked here and there saying 

here's a little holiday cheer for you.

At oldgreymare these are my favorites, 

a small ornament hung from 

a lamp key, or small touches added to a postal box to

say "Christmas". 

The most humble of door knobs is not forgotten.

Festive.

Please join Chania at Razmataz for this week's challenge.

Last Tree Up

Last tree #8 is up.

Oops see a hole.

Found an ornament down on the table and 

wondered where it came from. 

Now I see.

Packages are for darling Daughter's B-day.

That's all for today.

Moving a little slower lately, no heat 

in the house until next week.

My heater bravely survived 18 years before 

succumbing a few weeks back.

I know you guys with snow have it rough, but concrete 

foundations and tile floors

and only stucco walls makes 60 degrees

 feel like 45-50 inside. 

My trusty red sweatshirt, fuzzy slippers and hot lattes 

are getting me through.

How are you all doing? 

Anyone done with the decorating yet?

Seems like many of us are a wee bit behind this year.

Maybe it's because we are just not ready 

to see this decade pass.

2011 sounds so futuristic to me.

It's only one day from one decade to the

 next but it seems so much grander somehow.

uh, oh I'm starting to philosophize, better 

fire up another latte.