Can Yunz Believe this?

Yesterday was to be my one day out day.

I get one about every 14 days or so.

Headed for a haircut and color at 10:00.

I was determined to hit the ground running

right after that, or shuffling at least, so I headed

to Michaels for some jewelry findings I had needed

for months to repair two necklaces.

Because I  had only slept 4 hours the night before 

due to more challenging, er, bad news

on the medical front, I found myself getting

a little weak and dizzy so decided to head home,

and skip Trader Joes which had been the "BIG" plan.

ha!

make plans, the universe laughs HA!

I pull into the garage and hit the garage door

remote and a hideous, screeching, crunching,

sound occurred and I hit the remote stop immediately.

When I opened the drivers side door,

I nearly peeked thru my fingers

 as I knew what I would see.

A crumpled door.

'scuse me but shit shit shit.

Called insurance I have 2000 deductible, 

they said get estimate first.

Called an emergency service and no kidding

 they were there in 30 minutes.

At first I was looking at around $4,000

to get the same quality door or around $2500

to get a bottom level version.

Maybe it was me cradling 

my head in my hands with tears drippin thru

and my O/2 canula hanging out...

but Clayton the tech says.

"Let me see what I can do."

Since I hit the button so quickly

 I did less damage than I could have.

Just under $1,000 later, not using insurance, and 

my door now closes, you cannot see the tears

in the panels from the outside

 and it's guaranteed for 3 years.

Clayton and I had a very spirited political discussion

while he was adding new springs and bolting new metal struts;

but it was respectful with no meanness or put downs.

We could not be more politically opposed,

but we parted with very good feelings. 

STILL....

what did I do in a former life to have this karma?

(please don't say things could be worse as they are worse medically)

I need/want so much to get back to my old self,

no O2 needed, lose all the prednisone weight etc.,

be able to work.

I love this, and I am not making light of horrific crime,

I'm poking fun at me OK?

Z

Happy weekend youins

(my homage to Latrobe slang")

A common informal word used in southwestern Pennsylvania and the forefront example of what is commonly known as "Pittsburghese" is the word yinz, pronounced /jɪnz/ in IPA. Alternatively it is less commonly used in long form, youins, pronounced /ju.ɪnz/.

I never knew anyone one who used yinz always spelled yunz

Gosh Guys

Gosh guys is all I can say

Went for MRI on Friday

Lay down and got all strapped in, preparing for dye;

and I started to cough as usual when I lie flat.

It's a mucus thing, lord I hate that word!

I'm inside the bleepin' tube and start to choke

and I call out a very garbled 

"puel meee out!

He does, and sees I'm struggling to 

clear my throat,

rapidly undoes the strapping and helps me sit up

and I cough out a glob,

and proceed to cough off and on 

and spit for 

the next five minutes.

Lovely tech guys says

"This is not going to work."  

So my appt I waited three weeks for,

 as they screwed up the referral, ends with 

no answers and I still have this nodule.

E-visited my primary Dr. on Friday

What next?

crickets

Gosh guys, I'm at my wits end.

Darling daughter sent me

a St Raphael medal for Mothers Day.

I hold it every day, and I'm neither catholic or

believe in organized religion. 

I am however spiritual.

Dearest son and daughter to be, came

 for a weekend visit 2 weeks ago and helped me

 with so many chores and we talked CA move.

Darling daughter arrives this weekend

with two childhood chums for 4 glorious days.

I am one lucky Mom

in the kid category.

In the "health" category -

In the "our country is in real trouble"category-

Gosh Guys

Z

my only consolation

Sunday nights trifecta of

 Killing Eve 

Game of Thrones 

Call the Midwife 

oh, and tomato pie

Should I Should I Not?

Marked my calendar April 29, 2019

SUCKED

My master toilet tank on the second story,

leaked at the bolt while I was away

 from the house and created 

a huge water bubble on my kitchen ceiling.

Crappity  

Later I stuck the hose end into 

my outdoor fountain

 to fill up and walked inside

 to set a timer to remind me to shut it off.

The phone rang and it was the Primary Dr 

calling me, never a good sign, to say

I needed to call My Pulmonary DR

 and make an appt pronto. 

Crappity

Which I did and they said can you come in an hour!!!

A little freak out, a quick shower 

and when I arrive he says, 

he's read the report but cannot see

the scan as they have IT problem.

He'll review and call me the next day.

Crap

They had said come in an hour as they

 had so many cancelations

due to rain but they DID NOT 

say that on phone. 

I could have avoided some of the freak out.

His assistant called very early today to schedule an MRI

as I have a 2 cm nodule in my chest.

Waiting for approval for an MRI end of week.

No sense describing it all now 

until I know how much trouble I'm in.

Crap

Remember the hose in the fountain?

Well, I remembered 20 hours later and only because

I went outside to scream at Mockingbird 

eating my guava blossoms again this year, 

and stepped into water. 

Crap

Next months bill should be fun

Couldn't decide to post-not post 

as it has been a downer for some time on here.

I'm sorry for that.

BUT this is my journal so here it is. 

Cheer up

Here are some puppies

Z

If you tend toward prayers

throw one up for me will ya please?

and So It Goes

Several weeks ago I tried to sell 

two of these milk cans I have, 

but I got no takers.

Bored one evening I decided I would take

 some leftover florals,

pretty it up a bit and sit it by the front door 

until my next sale when I will sell it as it is now.

Leftovers are always better. 

So two runs back to Urgent Care and I am 

still not great.

See the cardiologist today.

I'm not a huge fan of this guy.

We'll see if he stops typing long enough to 

learn what I look like. 

Back on O/2 full time - depressing.

CT scan of sinus throat etc next week.

I am sick of all of it as

I'm sure you're sick of hearing.

This is the only journal I keep 

so I keep dating everything

 in case I need it some day.

I did see a wonderful Dr in Urgent care

 but of course he does not have a private practice.

Damn!

He really listened and gave me some good 

tips on fighting this.

Annie and I doing another sale probably in early May.

Hannah, maybe Ben, will be in to help

their poor decrepit mama.

My new name 

I was so hoping to go down there this month.

Patience is not my strong suit. 

These made me laugh

Been bingeing: How about you?

Russian Doll

After Life

Turn up Charlie

Working Moms

Seems the only thing I catch on tv anymore is 

Walking Dead - John Oliver and Bill Maher 

(  my kids now hate Maher)

and oddly enough North Woods Law (no idea why?)

Holding my breath for Game of Thrones

 and Killing Eve 

... and because I've been too ill to make it to library

I am rereading my entire collection of Robert B Parker

The Spencer series

Makes me so happy. 

Even though I am downsizing I am determined to buy 

as many of his as I can in hard cover, as I have 

so many in paper back.

My other wish is to get all the Louise Penny

in hard cover some day, but even paper back would 

be good as I have read all of them through the library.

When you love you love

 and I have been such a good girl

purging everything else.

and so it goes

Z

New View and Same Old Sad Stupid Story.

Darling daughter Hannah threw a brunch engagement party 

for Dearest son Ben and Helene and their friends on Sunday.

Since it was just for the young folks I did not attend,

nor could I have as ...

I'm once again.... sick

Headed to Urgent Care again today for follow

up to antibiotics etc I got 6 days ago, as I am

no better, in fact in some regards worse.

I have barely slept in 3 days for when I lie down 

my lungs for all intents and purposes,

whistle. Yep, quite loudly whistle and wheeze.

I couldn't stand seeing that post another day so 

here are fresh pics and a new view.

Since I rarely leave the house these days, (no need to) and I 

hand sanitize and soap and water wash like crazy,

I cannot fathom how I got sick again.

AS for everything else, it is one big stall,

until the big cardiology reveal end of this month.

My Smith's market just began home delivery with perfect timing 

for me. Although it is a mere block away,

just shopping while using o/2 and feeling like kaka felt overwhelming to me 

and Howie needed dog food.

Yesterday I ordered soup, ginger ale, 

dog food, bagels and 

orange sherbert. Within an hour ding dong.

 For me, 3.99 

delivery was a bargain.

I need to drag my sorry ass to UC,

so for now a new view but same old sad stupid story.

2019 WAS looking promising after

Kicked My Keister 2018.

Faker!

Pretty Much Sums Things Up

David My Grand Dog 

sums it up pretty well for me

these days.

Bleah

He often rests like this 

in his back yard

in complete surrender.

I refuse to surrender but I am 

very tired of fighting the good fight.

Knowing it will take me twice as long to decorate

this year due to my limitations;

and knowing it's a special holiday with

my brother and SiL coming for first time and also both

significant others coming with kids, I've decided

to start in about a week. 

Will try to remember to show the projects

as they happen.

But first it is yard work.

The guy who helped me last Spring is unavailable

so it's me doing it in 20 minute spurts.

We've past the year mark since the saga

began and I find no cause to celebrate

that damn milestone. 

I think mentally I'm also bogged down in concern

for our country and the state of the world

in general. I remind myself of my grandparents living

through World Wars and ponder how that generation

persevered with far more dignity than we 

are showing. 

Of course the c-pap story continues 

to unfold. I made it 5 1/2 hours last night

with 3 breaks coughing myself awake,

but they still sent me an 

email congratulations badge this morning.

(they monitor me)

Seriously?

This is what adults need today?

Social media has created needy little buggers

needing constant affirmation.

I don't require congratulations.

I need Drs who can figure out what the hell

is wrong and fix it.

Ok I'm not bleah, I'm bitchy.

sorry

Who Needs a Scary Movie?

Want to be scared ****less?

Agree to a sleep study

I cannot begin to describe how awful this 

experience was Monday night.

Google "wired up for a sleep study" and 

find the worst photo and then multiply by two.

Suffering from insomnia for months

 I was worried I would not sleep,

but luckily after 2 hours lying there, I slept for an hour 

and then woke up coughing and choking

on huge amount of mucous in my throat. I was trying

 to clear my throat and sitting up wondering

if I should call to see if they could remove temporarily

the three (yep three!) cannulas in my nose

 and the tube into my mouth so I could blow and spit..

(Sorry folks this is what was happening.)

The tech "Manny" burst in and

 began to scold me for 20 minutes for 

"waking myself up" and becoming anxious.

"I'm monitoring your O/2 -I won't let you die;

 if you stop breathing EMT is right next door.

OK seriously?

"It just feels like your choking

but you can still breathe,

so GO TO SLEEP! NOW!"

Scolding had morphed into near yelling.

I could spend an hour telling you the rest of it

but I'll just tell you the conclusion.

I did manage to sleep another 3 hours -

after weeping a little while, I admit,

though I never touched my eyes so 

tech could not see in night vision.

 I would not give the SOB

the satisfaction.

Tech was NOT happy with my measly 4 hours.

He's supposed to record 7 1/2.

He burst into room at 6 when I opened my eyes

and sat me right up too fast to begin removing 

a kajillion wires from EVERYWHERE 

and my vertigo kicked in big time.

 He told me I may have to repeat.

I looked him right in the eye and

said "fat chance."

All the other patients were unhooked and leaving,

and though he said take your time,

it was clear he wanted me to leave

 as he carried my purse and bag to the front door.

I would have easily failed a field sobriety test.

I was nauseated, vision blurry, and dizzy. 

Yet get into my car I did.

Drank about 16 oz of cold water

that he had kept out of my reach that night,

and proceeded to drive very carefully

 the 3 miles back home.

It was a surface street with little traffic

 or I would not have attempted.

I swayed through my garage

into the kitchen and promptly 

vomited in the sink. 

Oh there is so much more,

but that's enough scary stuff.

BTW the goo glued into your hair 

in seven places takes four complete shampoos

 to remove, or maybe just me?

I wish you could see me shaking my head,

this is all so nuts.

My brother's line of 

"50% of all Drs graduate in the bottom half

of their class, is on a loop in my brain."

and my last note "go to hell Manny"

I actually said the other thing. 

Z

Four Docs, A Shot and Ben Casey Would Know

I really don't mind 

having met the halfway mark through 

my 60's but it seems to have had

the effect of a starter pistol as far

as my health goes.

Monday was a bunch more blood work etc.

Today was two Drs, one brand new, four more tests,

and a shot for pneumonia.

My first injection in decades.

Coming up next, three more Drs, "specialists"

you see, who hopefully will have answers,

and it's safe to assume a lot more tests.

As of Sept last year I had never needed 

prescriptions for anything other than antibiotics

 every few years if I caught a winter "something",

birth control in my twenties, 

and I hadn't needed 

a Dr for more than annual exams in decades.

Now in 2018 I wander in and out of offices,

being passed around for x-rays, electrodes, 

zaps, pokes, scans and such.

I'm not too fond of this new routine.

I'm looking for the exit, or the big red stop button

that I can pound down with my fist.

I want the buzzer that signals the 

last round of the game, and get some solid answers.

Ben Casey would know.

I had a Ben Casey "Dr" shirt 

when I was in elementary

school and my girlfriends and I played hospital.

They were on team Kildare,

but I alone went the brooding, dark route,

never the All American blonde blue eyed type for me.

Team Casey all the way.

He could pull off a pocket protector yesiree bob.

Which explains why my next

grown up obsession was Armand

which morphed into

Do we see a pattern here Dr?

Neither of my husbands had 

what I now realize was "the look"

SO THAT'S what happened?!

Stay well my friends, stay well.

Z

Let there Be Light

A few days before the kids arrived for the sale 

I finally got the outdoor lights strung onto the pergola.

I connected them to the lights on the vintage fencing 

that runs the length of the back yard.

It made for lovely outdoor dining

that night as we were all exhausted.

China a Go Go delivery and we were set. 

Can you believe that night sky?

Although I am still paying for the new backyard,

it was worth every penny as I am not 

constantly scrambling

to blow out leaves and clear debris.

It's so easy with a quick water twice a day of the 

pots that are not on drips.

Obviously I am still alive and kicking, though

the last week kicked my butt again something fierce.

I actually slept 8 hours last night,

which feels like a miracle as I've been getting 

barely 3 hours a day.

I watch out for a neighbors house in the summer

and yesterday they had flyers stuck in their door.

Rather than drag the tank down the street,

I hopped in the car in pj's and drove to their driveway, ran 

and retrieved the flyers and drove back home.

I get the mail late at night, and do drive thru's in pj's.

I now understand those old ladies in their housecoats 

in their yards back in Latrobe when I was growing up.

You no longer care, and it's so much easier.

Of course I am properly attired otherwise.

Not fancy, mind you, but at least wearing a bra.

I VERY hesitantly hope I have turned 

the corner for good. 

I remind myself to take it slow and easy,

(not easy for me) 

and have set a trip to PA and CA as my goals for fall.

Meanwhile, my much lighter home

is a joy to take care of,

and I have only a few remaining pieces of

furniture to unload.

If the universe allows - once I am able to 

downsize here or in CA I will be ready to go 

quickly and efficiently without being a burden

to anyone.

I cannot stress to you enough

how important these steps are as we age.

Important not just to our well being,

but as a loving gesture for those we leave behind.

Life can come and slam you upside the head,

look around, what changes do you need to make?

Thank you for all the kind emails of concern.

I'm a tough old bird and will push through,

though hopefully out of pj's eventually.

Months and months of nothing but pj's.

The Hits Keep On Coming

It would be hilarious 

if it wasn't so frustrating.

Felt punky by Sunday night

Felt tired Monday

Felt achy, feverish, lots of coughing Tuesday

Felt too sick to go to Urgent Care Wednesday

Felt it necessary to go to Urgent Care Thursday
Perhaps I overdid last weekend?

Guess who has Pneumonia?

GRRRRRRRRRRRR

My mantra all day has been

"There are folks with so much worse, buck up."

Mega prednisone in office and a breathing treatment.
(I've never had a Dr hand me three pills
 and a bottle of water before) 

x rays

3 antibiotics and a home nebulizer later.

I am on shut down mode.

Dr says if I am not markedly improved 

within 24 hours 

" hospital we will go"

I'm determined to be improved.

New guy has a new approach,

he's determined to fix me.

So once more I may be offline for a bit

Can't even remember last time I did IG

I'll close with this pic.

It makes me so happy, it's my screensaver.

This was from me visiting down in CA awhile back. 

So much has changed since then for them,

 but their sweet faces never do. 

Talk about three amigos...

New Normal For Awhile

SO

It took me 2 months to get an appt 

with new primary care provider.

My appt was at 8:00 Friday morning.

I had been quite sick, OK very very very sick all week,

so it was fortuitous that I already had appt. 

The Dr and her nurse walked in and both said,

"You don't look good"

I replied "I feel bad, coughing for 6 days non stop, 

fever, short of breath..."

10 minutes later as they're taking multiple

 blood pressures as my oxygen levels were low...

I had an "Incident" and 15 minutes later

 I was on a gurney being loaded into an ambulance.

Where I spent the day in emergency being treated so

well by the staff at St Rose as they tried to figure out

heart, lung, infection what????

They could not get oxygen stabilized 

with treatments, oxygen, x-rays, blood work etc 

so back and forth back and forth. They decided to admit me

which I resisted. Years of childhood trauma

 with parental illness and hospitals I suppose.

 After a lot of hours and a wonderful ER Dr,

he agreed to let me go home with oxygen.

Since I no longer required Iv's I said it is cost effective,

and since your waiting room is crammed full, 

I'll give em my room.

Diagnosis and I quote "extreme bronchial infection"

An hour later my wonderful nurse walked up to my glass

door, put on a mask and closed the door completely and 

said you are highly contagious- you also have a strain of flu.

Then she put a large contagion sign on the door. 

No wonder I felt like crap.

AND if I had not had that appt, the Dr said...

"ya know you would have been in real trouble within hours."

scary-would I have known in time I was in trouble?

I never go to the Dr except when things are broken,

so the two month wait was worth it after all. 

Thank you guardian angels.

At shift change, all the folks I had encountered, 
stopped by my room or waved goodbye
 as they left, course now they had masks, 
after me hacking near them all day. 
Felt so bad about that.

The paramedics were in several times that day

 and even they stopped in.

Of course I'm an entertaining kind of gal

 and had them all laughing.

My Dr's office was across the street from the hospital,

so to avoid me from having my bestie Annie

drive clear across town to get me a block to my car,

after I was discharged

security drove me there in a golf cart!

St Rose rah rah rah

I'm still not A-OK but I'm home with Howie.

Seems I'm gonna be dragging a tank around for a while.

My kids both almost flew home,

they love me...

and I have the dearest pal in Annie. I alerted her around noon

 I might need her so she came over to my side of town

 and hung around until 6:30 and then drove

 her mom all the way back home and was going to drive back.

My phone had died in hospital. I called her back

 from home, just in time.

Other pal Sue is already offering whatever I need.

Makes me all weepy.

 Maybe later I'll tell you all about full, droopy, boobish, exposure

 to 5 hunky paramedics, 1 xray tech and three passers by in hallway.

ANYWAY 

I'm going to take a break for a bit and catch my breath

literally 

and rest up.

If I'm not back in time to wish you a merry merry,

please know I love all you little buggers,

and I say that with pure, unadulterated affection.

Z

FCVC

fever, chills, vertigo and coughing

a plague of sorts

I sleep as if I will never wake, and rarely do....

phone messages heard faintly through a fog

a trash can piled with tissues

dragging myself to shower later...the dogs smell fresher than me,

and they are 2 months overdue for grooming.

the illness ooozes through one's pores

I was bragging last week that my annual winter crud

was tardy in arriving...

serves me right 

you do not poke the bear of fate

unless you are prepared to pay the price.

the price is 

F ever

C hills

  V ertigo

      C oughing

and just when beautiful fall arrived.....

Z