Monday, October 19, 2020

SO HERE'S THE THING




We are all so weary of this damn year, it's worries, troubles,

 loss and sadness. I was getting lost in it all.

I had to make some tough life decisions, financial and otherwise,

while still mourning the loss of dear Howie.

I start and end each day with a prayer of gratitude that 

my little family is safe and well for another day.

Many are not permitted that privilege, so I really

do acknowledge that blessing in my life.

I've come to accept my illness, my distance from the kids, 

which I had hoped to change, (not to be) and welcomed

sweet weird Walter into my heart.

I had to swallow my pride and accept help, boy, that was tough.

I am trying to focus on small pleasures,

by planting herbs, watching Walter's antics,

and then there are the "what a wonderful world moments."

I've been tweaking the porches and late one night,

 I heard what sounded like a drone approaching.

I stepped out to look at the dark sky

just as the sound clarified into extremely loud honking. 

Just then hundreds of Canada Geese 

in V formation flew low, over my head.

 I could only make out their outlines and

white underbellies in the pitch black sky.

The sounds blasted the air.

 I was squealing with delight,

then clamped my hand over my mouth 

as it was around midnight. I no  

sooner saw the last one disappear, 

when a second larger group flew over to my left.

The tears started flowing as I was ever so grateful to 

be alive, to be a witness, and to see the hope in the spectacle.

I went back onto the porch and then wait, what?

They had done a u turn and flew back over,

 the way that they had come.

It took me hours to not feel the buzz,

the exhilaration, again the hope, I so desperately needed.


Two days later my friend Sue returned some borrowed items,

and brought me goodies (what a baker she is).

Walter is still not socialized to other humans or animals due 

to COVID so he was very scared.

Sue, who does not own animals, patiently tried, and tried again,

while we visited out back, and he would get close,

then run whining and barking.

She knew how I've been worried about this.

I was watching like a parent concerned and 

embarrassed for their child.

90 minutes 

She tried for 90 minutes, with such kindness.

Then he came to her, licked her hands and placed his paws

on her knees, while she scratched his ears.

I started weeping.

He then was obsessed with her and cuddled and wriggled and

it was so damn glorious.

We all need to be brave and fight the good fight

for decency, equality and dignity. 

BUT

we also have to find the goodness, the kindness

the joy that is happening in wee small moments.

If you haven't watched The Way I See It with Pete Sousa.

Please find it and watch.

Remember those THINGS we hold dear, are being destroyed.

Z

Oh and if you are interested I am videoing nearly my entire home

and putting it on Instagram 

here




Thursday, October 15, 2020

SO PROUD





It's official
DARK HORSE

Women rock!
Darling Daughter * Jenny -Writing Partners 

Watch for them in your viewing futures.

Z



 

Thursday, October 8, 2020

What Pie?


You have to be careful and quick around these parts.

I was having a slice of key lime pie 

while seated at the coffee table, when I noticed

Walter licking his face. Hmmmm? 

I turned around and looked at my plate and

Yep, a small section was a little squished and flattened.

Don't know how he did it.

I do know that even the slightest bit of dairy

will later on send odiferous plumes into the air,

that are ridiculously unpleasant. 

He is not yet used to the process, and when it happens, 

he jumps up, checks his posterior area, 

and searches for the source of 

the sound and odor.

My darling daughter early on 

dubbed him a little weirdo.

he is he is he is

and he appears to be channeling the FLASH


AS for everything else in the world

WTF?

It's all been said in a myriad of ways, 

by a million folks,

and me saying anything more feels like 

throwing a stinky, tar covered, hole riddled pair of

tennis shoes on top

of a steaming pile of manure.

It doesn't hurt it, help it or make any difference.

sigh


Z



 

Tuesday, September 29, 2020

So What's New?

So my dear girl and her writing partner Jenny,
were selected in the top 2% of 13,175 entries to the
Austin film festival and they are 1 of only 20 
selected in their category.
Busting Buttons Time

Hannah and Tom have also become Vegan,
graduating up from Pescatarian.
How I wish I had the discipline.







Dearest son has been working his butt off
on a big project coming in December on your 
main streaming channel. Tell you all about it when I can
Busting Buttons x 2

On weekends Ben is working on their new home,
redoing their bathroom, hanging wallpapers, 
building a shed, multiple planters and more; 
 last weekend removing all their sod 
and replacing with an eco friendly
ground cover, tiny plug by tiny plug.


see the tiny specs of green?


They walk the walk- solar home, electric cars.
Purchase only items made here, 
avoiding eco impact in shipping;
not supporting any company using child labor
 or unfair practices.
That means buying a sofa or any item
 can take hours of research, 
as many companies hide the origins.



Walter is of course still a little lovable weirdo.
9 months old now!

His antics, and my joy watching them, can be found
 on my Instagram account here



You will also find on my IG, my obsession with Imperfect Foods boxes,
that I receive each Tuesday and the meals I make with them.






I do tend to post more frequently over there,
 as I can do that and simultaneously
toss and catch toys, rocks etc with Walter.
I love my trusty old blog which is really 
just a journal for myself that happens to be public,
so I'll still be kicking along here.

So kids, dog, food
what else is there in this new reality
well except our looming peril?...

oh and yeah the big one
Dearest Son and Darling DIL are married

shhhh don't say anything
Wedding still next May.

I got permission to tell as the secret since January
was not remaining secret. 

We are all thrilled! 

ALWAYS 
LOVE

Z





 

Sunday, September 20, 2020

Idiot Thy Name Is ...


A comment to my post

"you truly are an idiot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

https://oldgreymareprimitives.blogspot.com/2020/06/when-all-else-fails.html

A fairly benign post for what my true feelings encapsulate.

My first negative comment in over 10 years.

I could post the comment so that you all could see 

who it was, but that would be unkind to her, and I choose to be kind.

I did respond with a gentle reminder of what her deity truly preaches.

As I age, I've learned that most folks when faced with a 

counter point to their beliefs, close their ears and refuse

the challenge to learn and expand.

flat earthers unite

My instincts said ignore- do not take the bait,

but I'm still 3/4's optimistic these days.

I expect a ration of %$#^ in return- what she does not know 

unless she returns to gleefully see my response, is

that her deity preaches what I believe;

 I can prove it.


now Walter says : 

I choose to burrow in as close as possible to mom's leg


and enjoy some fall


Z




Friday, September 18, 2020

RBG

 RBG

I wept when I heard

I am so sad 

I am afraid

 I will continue to RESIST

I will continue to fight

for everything she stood for.


Wednesday, August 12, 2020

Sunshine Patriots

 I was emailing  a blog friend this morning

 and shared some thoughts:


These are the times… I’ve been thinking a lot about those words lately.
"summer soldiers and sunshine patriots”

It could have been written about Americans today not just in 1776

“THESE are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as FREEDOM should not be highly rated” 

Thomas Paine

My soul feels like it is being nibbled on by forces out of my control. 
I don’t enjoy the sensation. Not one damn bit. 
But I’m still here. I still care about the world I am leaving-
still believe there is enough goodness in humanity to make it all work. 
Teetering at times toward hopelessness 
but that is borne out of frustration more than a loss of faith.

I refuse to be a sunshine patriot- 
Only fighting when it is easy, only sacrificing when it is easy.

Freedom is hard won, hard kept - 
Not trying, is denying all those who lost everything
 for the freedoms we have now; 
still not enough for many, but within reach. 
If we only just try, care, reach, give,
 just a little more, for a little longer.

Z

Tuesday, August 11, 2020

Everything Changes Nothing Changes


 Yesterday Walter spotted his old bed in the garage,
 and I dragged it out for him. After a few sad attempts,
 he finally figured out a way to almost fit.

 

Picked up about 20 books from the library.

Some things never change.

Walter last week


I love books, my canines love me.
It makes for creative reading positions.

Howie last year

Just seeing his sweet face tears at my heart.

I miss him so much every damn day.


I'm hiding away here in my own little world

hoping you are all staying well and safe.


Z


Monday, August 3, 2020

It's A Balancing Act




Walter frequently uses my foot 
as a step to get down from the couch.

It's a balancing act for him
which mimics what I feel these days.

Staying isolated-staying alive/versus not
Figuring out the new blogger/chucking it all-why bother
Taking time to prepare good meals/eat a peanut butter sandwich
Be furious at the government/not internalize retain sanity
Clean the house/ no one sees it but me, screw it
Keep abreast of the news/take another nap and hide
Despise the human idiots/well, there is no alternative

Idiots choose to remain ignorant, while uninformed folk
can be educated; but idiots believe 
what they want, regardless of truths.

Wash my hair/choosing not to more often than naught
Try to save plants/they're half fried in 111 degree heat anyway

I am constantly struggling to maintain normalcy,
balancing what I should do, think or feel
against an overwhelming sense of
isolation and sadness.

I'm a tough ole mare, but lord, some days are rough.

Z

Thursday, July 23, 2020

The Moon Me And Death Cleaning



Well, it was a different birthday.
I still got some fun gifts,
fun food, and saw my kids
via Zoom for over 2 hours.
All remotely

These are different times for sure.

Hannah got me a wireless moon lamp
VERY COOL

Very fitting since the moon is ruler in
my sign of CANCER.
Also she frequently signs off
love you to the moon and back.


In addition to a neat message board,
Ben got me ALL the fixings 
for ice cream sundaes.
ALL -peanuts, cherries, bananas,
waffle bowls, candy bar mix-ins,
syrup and a VAT of ice cream.
I plan to just rub it on my hips and ass
as that's where it will end up anyway.

I saw my first human I personally know
up close, as my friend Sue shopped for me and
brought me brownies and scones.
I've been alone 173 days.

We were masked and sat about 10 feet apart,
but I was still nervous.
Walter wasn't horrible but he was nervous, maybe 
feeding off my energy.
He isn't socialized to people yet poor thing
but he tried. 

I've been doing a lot of chatting to my sister moon,
as she peeks just under my window frame
while I lie in bed. I ask for protection
for my family and yours.
It never hurts to have the universe pulling for you.

I am just three years younger than my folks were
when they passed. That's a pretty somber thought.
Years ago I talked about being prepared and not leaving
a mess for your loved ones.

It bears rereading

Now is a perfect time to take care of that,
so if you haven't
 get on it!

Love you guys

Z


Saturday, July 18, 2020

Fan's Blowing - Not Wearing Pants

Desiring a different view than the three rooms 
I hang in during Covid - kitchen, family room
 and bedroom -

I tried to sit out on my enclosed porch 
with the french doors open and a fan
blowing directly into the room 
from the air conditioned adjacent family room.





Not wearing any pants, but it made no difference.
Just too damn hot.

Thursday, July 2, 2020

View From A Couch








Watched the news
There are no words
There are not enough words



Dream of better days

Z

Did you spy the recorder on the table 
in the first photo? It was Ben or Hannah's
from school - I use it to call Walter back inside.

Sunday, June 28, 2020

Dogs Dogs Dogs


Without dogs, this quarantine 
would be much harder
for many of us.

Found this shot of Walter and his brother
on the rescue site. This was right after he was found.
I adopted him several weeks later.
There are days I wish I had taken both, but after
thousands in vet bills the last couple years I was 
concerned about cost. 




Here's the little bugger now.
Yep that's a rock in his mouth.
He brought this one inside.
How he's grown!


He is still a weirdo.
Insists on sleeping this way, tip of nose far right.


Someone is in time out.


New grand-dog Rilo on the left- Tubbs on the right.
Rilo was a quarantine rescue. They're adjusting well.


Everyone everywhere has had their say 
about everything going on.
I don't feel I have anything new to add.

If you've followed me for any time,
you already know where I stand.
You know I would like to clobber a few idiots 
who are too selfish, too ignorant, too lazy to 
be educated with scientific facts, or are
too evil to speak any truths.

Of course if I could clobber em, then if #45 
gets the affordable care act repealed, then they 
too would suffer insurance issues as their
existing conditions (my flattening their heads)
would no longer be covered.

Now, where is my cast iron skillet?

Z


Thursday, June 18, 2020

Once There Were Two Studios


For several years I had a second studio in my garage.
I have hardly used it in the past three years, 
so yesterday I decided to drag, push, and pull
 the vintage piece through a tiny garage doorway
into the family room.


Here is what I started with, and throughout a lazy afternoon
I painted some mustard on the shelf backs, and
covered the blue stars with ash grey paint.
I may go back and re- do in soft black
 as they are still "reading" blue.




I was bingeing Collateral on Netflix,
while grabbing a little this and that.



I ended up here for now.
I'm sure I'll change it up a little
as I live with it a few days.
For sure I will be making a fuller curtain 
for bottom shelving.

I have purged so much I don't really need the storage,
but it seemed to me she belonged inside
after paying her dues.



Yep, she belongs right there.

Z



Monday, June 15, 2020

More Sanctuary






and Walter weirdo who sleeps in the darnedest positions




Tuesday, June 9, 2020

Around The House


It's a good thing I like my home.

I've been hanging inside here for
 131 days.










Friday, June 5, 2020

When All Else Fails



Burrow in



I've never before had a dog that likes to burrow.
Walter could win a medal for burrowing.

Yesterday he tried to climb up inside my 
maxi dress. 

I don't blame him a bit.
He was neutered this week. Not fun. The gravel is 
 too hot for his pads when he insists on going out 
in the high heat of the afternoon, 
but he is learning to follow the shade.

He has also sensed that I'm not so happy these days.

It is heart wrenching to watch what has
become of our nation, not just recently, but 
for decades. We have let corporate greed and
privileged white autocrats usurp our freedoms.

We are not done working on this democracy.
Many of us have become complacent and
'busy" with everyday matters.
That has to stop- wake up call folks.

Throughout our history we have risen to
fight the good fight. This time is no different, but I
pray it will be. That this moment is truly a catalyst for 
significant and meaningful change.
While many are fighting this fight; under cover of 
tweets, this administration is also decimating 
our ecological futures, placing racist conservative judges
 in federal positions and thousands have 
been deported, even young people, 
dumped to fend for themselves, 
or returned to countries where 
their very lives are in jeopardy. 
 My despair and fury run neck and neck,
alongside pride and hope for my kids. 


I wish that I too could just burrow
and make the days feel lighter.

But I can't.
It's all too damn important.

Z