Thursday, August 16, 2018

Who Needs a Scary Movie?

Want to be scared ****less?
Agree to a sleep study

I cannot begin to describe how awful this 
experience was Monday night.
Google "wired up for a sleep study" and 
find the worst photo and then multiply by two.

Suffering from insomnia for months
 I was worried I would not sleep,
but luckily after 2 hours lying there, I slept for an hour 
and then woke up coughing and choking
on huge amount of mucous in my throat. I was trying
 to clear my throat and sitting up wondering
if I should call to see if they could remove temporarily
the three (yep three!) cannulas in my nose
 and the tube into my mouth so I could blow and spit..
(Sorry folks this is what was happening.)

The tech "Manny" burst in and
 began to scold me for 20 minutes for 
"waking myself up" and becoming anxious.
"I'm monitoring your O/2 -I won't let you die;
 if you stop breathing EMT is right next door.

OK seriously?

"It just feels like your choking
but you can still breathe,

Scolding had morphed into near yelling.

I could spend an hour telling you the rest of it
but I'll just tell you the conclusion.
I did manage to sleep another 3 hours -
after weeping a little while, I admit,
though I never touched my eyes so 
tech could not see in night vision.
 I would not give the SOB
the satisfaction.

Tech was NOT happy with my measly 4 hours.
He's supposed to record 7 1/2.

He burst into room at 6 when I opened my eyes
and sat me right up too fast to begin removing 
a kajillion wires from EVERYWHERE 
and my vertigo kicked in big time.

 He told me I may have to repeat.
I looked him right in the eye and
said "fat chance."

All the other patients were unhooked and leaving,
and though he said take your time,
it was clear he wanted me to leave
 as he carried my purse and bag to the front door.

I would have easily failed a field sobriety test.
I was nauseated, vision blurry, and dizzy. 
Yet get into my car I did.
Drank about 16 oz of cold water
that he had kept out of my reach that night,
and proceeded to drive very carefully
 the 3 miles back home.
It was a surface street with little traffic
 or I would not have attempted.
I swayed through my garage
into the kitchen and promptly 
vomited in the sink. 

Oh there is so much more,
but that's enough scary stuff.
BTW the goo glued into your hair 
in seven places takes four complete shampoos
 to remove, or maybe just me?

I wish you could see me shaking my head,
this is all so nuts.

My brother's line of 
"50% of all Drs graduate in the bottom half
of their class, is on a loop in my brain."

and my last note "go to hell Manny"
I actually said the other thing. 


Saturday, August 11, 2018

Four Docs, A Shot and Ben Casey Would Know

I really don't mind 
having met the halfway mark through 
my 60's but it seems to have had
the effect of a starter pistol as far
as my health goes.

Monday was a bunch more blood work etc.
Today was two Drs, one brand new, four more tests,
and a shot for pneumonia.
My first injection in decades.
Coming up next, three more Drs, "specialists"
you see, who hopefully will have answers,
and it's safe to assume a lot more tests.

As of Sept last year I had never needed 
prescriptions for anything other than antibiotics
 every few years if I caught a winter "something",
birth control in my twenties, 
and I hadn't needed 
a Dr for more than annual exams in decades.

Now in 2018 I wander in and out of offices,
being passed around for x-rays, electrodes, 
zaps, pokes, scans and such.

I'm not too fond of this new routine.
I'm looking for the exit, or the big red stop button
that I can pound down with my fist.
I want the buzzer that signals the 
last round of the game, and get some solid answers.

Ben Casey would know.

I had a Ben Casey "Dr" shirt 
when I was in elementary
school and my girlfriends and I played hospital.
They were on team Kildare,
but I alone went the brooding, dark route,
never the All American blonde blue eyed type for me.
Team Casey all the way.

He could pull off a pocket protector yesiree bob.

Which explains why my next
grown up obsession was Armand

which morphed into

Do we see a pattern here Dr?

Neither of my husbands had 
what I now realize was "the look"
SO THAT'S what happened?!

Stay well my friends, stay well.


Sunday, August 5, 2018

Ten bloomin' years - Yep ten!

Seems only fitting that I 
should chronicle what I have done
here for the past ten years:
The anniversary is this month, 
coming up soon.
It's a bit of a read sorry...

I never intended to blog this long,
or to write such a mishmash of ideas
 and memories, especially as I started out on a whim.
 I am happy however that I did take that first step.

My first words were:

"The kids will not believe that I did this
 on my own without nagging them for help. 
Tonight was another sleepless night, 
so why not give it a try? 
Please bear with me as I learn to navigate 
these treacherous waters of the internet and blogging.
 I will attempt to learn quickly
 and try to be if not entertaining, then informative."

I was shocked to read that the sleeping issue
 went back so far,
that's where journaling comes in handy.

Yesterday I spent time reviewing the years, 
stopping to read a few here and there
 remembering family moments,
watching the years slip away. 

I wanted a journal of sorts
and it is what it is.
I tried to never blather on 
so as to have a post each day,
but indeed blather is here and there. 
I wrote if I had something to say,
or to share.

Lots of us started out here in 08.
Most that I knew then have gone away completely,
or jumped to daily postings on IG
and Facebook. I won't touch FB and I barely 
do IG. My little oldgreymare corner
is just right for me.

 A few of my post links are below, 
I couldn't tell you why I selected 
this particular hodgepodge of ten.  

Some or all may be new to you.

Thank you
every one of you

for your 10 years of 
and love

These next two go together

with love


Sunday, July 29, 2018

Two of a Kind

When a shirt is cute and comfortable,
you may find yourself reflected back at a summer party.

My girls:
Helene and Hannah

Smart Accomplished Funny and Kind

and obviously share similar taste

Monday, July 23, 2018

All Fun and Games Till Somebody Gets a Cone

If you don't follow me on IG this is news.
Howie and I were back once more 
at emergency vet on Saturday.
He scratched his eye and infection set in uber fast 
and he was in agony.

He really hates the cone and can't go 
out dog door or navigate the stairs.
I moved his bed against the couch
within reach for petting and rubs.


Mama has to let him outside as he
does that frequently day and night
 through dog door, and I also comfort him
 and stop him from trying to 
constantly rip off cone and scratch.
He has Houdini skills.

DR said it is extremely itchy and meds
can only partially soothe.
Three days to relief it says and today is #3.

 I've been back on couch as he'll whimper 
and cry if I'm upstairs without him.
 I have not slept 
a continuous 2 hours since Friday night.
Most of you know I wasn't sleeping well 
anyway but jeez this is hard.
I'm a zombie.

I try to limit my activities as
he follows me everywhere and 
he does not manage the cone well smashing
into everything. Of course current vision 
in only one eye is a huge hindrance 
to depth perception and peripheral vision. 

I feel like we're the two poster children
of geriatric medicine these past 10 months.

I repeat my prayers of gratitude
on a constant loop, but I am getting weary.
Tests and new Drs in August.

As long as I don't have to wear a cone.

Saturday, July 21, 2018

Whiplash and Freefall

When I'm 64
I will believe that 65 is still a ways off.

Then yesterday it was here,
in all it's - glory?

Wonderful calls from kids and friends,
a lunch with a great friend,
and a goodie box of pampering goods from
the kiddos topped off my 64th year.

I do not mind being 65.
What I do mind is the constant whiplash
I feel from the criminal actions of #45.
Every time I think this is it;
this is what will finally wake up 
that malevolent side of America;
I go back into freefall, 
praying for a safe landing.

Take away all the horrific maneuverings we have 
been forced to watch unfold and narrow
the focus to just the smallest of us
in this world.

Remove religions, races and ethnicities
and pare down to the core of our humanity.
Loving and caring for the 
children of the entire world.

If you cannot believe in that,
fight for that,
despair over that,
then your humanity is gone.

If every query of what path to follow
began with the question
"what is best for ALL the children?"
perhaps we all could once more 
feel safe and proud.

free falling

I can no longer handle roller coasters
or airplane turbulence.
Those sensations are terrifying to me.

I can sue for whiplash,
could I sue #45 and friends for causing me 
the same mental anguish
of humanity's free fall?

Saturday, July 7, 2018

Drawers Drawers Drawers

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Hot and Happy Independance

Nature's Fireworks

Friday, June 22, 2018

A Wife's Message?

I really don't care do U?

After my first shock of disgust 
something occurred to me. 

Is it at all possible,
maybe, just maybe 
this is a message from a wife
to a sick bastard of a husband?

A trapped animal will chew off 
it's own leg
to escape.

update: Just read an article posted minutes
ago on the Guardian
that others are thinking what I thought.

Sunday, June 17, 2018

My Father's Days

My dad was not able to see 
his grandchildren very often.
Great distance and other issues
meant less than 1 week a year.

I have guilt and regrets about that BIG time.
When we would get together, he was always
intent on making memories.

Dad died when my kids were still quite young
so their memories are mostly 
through photographs and my stories of him.

That is true for all of us,
we live on in the minds of those who knew us, or 
who have heard our stories from those who loved us.

I don't think there is a person who knew
my dad who does not have a story about how 
he helped them, guided them, taught them.

When my first husband heard of DJR's passing he wrote
me and told me that is was because of my dad that
he knew how to set up an efficient workshop,
and how he thought of him often while in that room. 

After his passing,
I discovered dozens of notes from stranded strangers
he had helped along the highways.

He had an enormous retirement party
and everyone came because they wanted to be there,
to tell of their times with him.

He hit the ground running early, 
and either worked until dusk or
played by fishing and gardening.
His frequent neighborhood parties were legendary.

He filled his days well 

Grace Honor Love

Happy Fathers Day PapPap

"memory believes before knowing remembers
believes longer than recollects,
 longer than knowing even wonders. 
knows, remembers, believes"

Saturday, June 9, 2018

Hopping Through June or The Hopscotch Mambo

Life these days is like playing hopscotch.
You hop, you jump and then you 
have to spin around in the air 
and go back the other way.

That's how I felt last night as I discovered 
I had a dozen comments awaiting moderation.
I never received an email on any of them. 
You gals who know me well must have thought
WELL, isn't she gettin' all snooty 
not responding any longer, as you all know,

Even after the Where Women Create issue 
and then the book came out and 
there were over 300 in one week,
I answered every one that had an email.
Don't know how I'll fix this?

I've been hoppin' I've been jumpin' through hoops to
get a sense of normalcy and they throw this at me,
and just when I had fallen back in love with IG.
In my absence they fixed it so you can tell exactly
where you left off, the posts are back
 in a chronological order
and all those extra ads are gone.

When the hell did that happen?
oh who cares, WHOOT for IG! 
There are some new things of which I
have not a single clue but I'll learn. 

SO here comes the hop.
I was having one of those late night 
conversations with a pal Thursday, when I mentioned 
some things that shocked her and even though we've
discussed "everything" under the sun, 
and been friends many years,
do we ever really know each other?

We're back to the pondering here folks.
So I'm pondering June and how many Junes
I've experienced and I drag out the appropriate 
photo box, because you all KNOW 
it is organized with a capital O.
Oh that's another topic my pal and I covered.
The big O  hehe

I spy these

clockwise in the month of June
Senior Picture 71 - Our yellow corvette and me circa 79
College Sorority Junior year  73

Then these:
June 1971
summer session Clarion State College PA
In front of our dorm there was this puddle...

Little did we know then, 
the girl with her right hand on her hip 
and on the far left in can-can became my SIL
I'm in the red football jersey

and finally 

Me in Seoul South Korea in June of 80,
visiting my first husband on his 12 month remote tour.
Didn't know that about me did ya?
Those green overalls caused an enormous stir,
as no one told me that pants, let alone green overalls,
were not appropriate.

This whole thing then made me ponder blogging
and the faces we present.
How honest do we expect others to be?
Are we honest with ourselves?

Many folks have abandoned it
for a quick fix of IG and although it has it's place,
I am missing the chats and emails 
that formed unexpected friendships, 
where we really got into the nitty gritty 
behind the blog posts.
There are some die hards like me
that never did it for the numbers, 
but as a mini journal of my life 
and all the Junes I've had these past 10 years.


Tuesday, June 5, 2018

Every Damn Day

I am fascinated by weird things I suppose.
I ponder things often and intensely.
Wonder where that came from?

I last bought gas on March 9.
I filled the tank today and I noticed.
I have 2 miles to go until my car reaches 2,000 miles.
Not a typo, not 200,000 but 2,000
and I bought my car Memorial Day 2017.
So 1 year and 2 days ago.
Round trip to CA included in that number (560miles)

My last car that I traded in had 
just turned over 80,000 miles
and it was 15 years old.

So is that weird because I drive so little?
Or weird/unusual because I don't need to,
 because of careful planning.

I consciously select to run all my errands 
on one day and I plan the route 
circling around until I am back home.

I've told everyone including the salesman, 
barring a recall or accident
this is my last car.

He called last week to ask why I hadn't been coming in for service.
TOLD you so lol
I can easily get 20 years out of this one which takes me to age 85

I very carefully selected my home 
based on price, number of bedrooms and location,
which as far as I'm concerned is the primo location.

If someday I am confined to motorized 
wheels in my older age, and I still live here,
and I've thought about this a lot;
I can reach every single thing 
I need in less than 1 block.

6 restaurants, hair salon, grocery store, Starbucks,
pet groomer, four banks, UPS, and an urgent care.

2 blocks gets me to library and an upscale outdoor 
mall with over a dozen restaurants, PB, Anthro etc.
Only think missing is a Target and I have 4 within 4 miles.

Most of my friends don't think  ponder these things.
They also don't have emergency kits
 and food and water stored.

My organizing, neatness, preparedness is all due
to DJR my Dad.
He pondered a lot and often. 
Always finding a possible/newer/better 
way to handle 
or build or arrange things.

You guys know all those boxes I have 
so perfectly arranged in my garage?
Well way back when, Dad brought home lidded boxes
that bulk typing paper came in.

He painted them all white with two coats of paint
to make them sturdier and to be able 
to be wiped clean, and nearly moisture proof.
He then measured and drew two pencil lines
 spaced apart, where he then stenciled 
the name of the contents!
You call me AR?

He was meticulous, principled, loving, kind, 
intelligent, funny, patient, faithful, and a great man
who was loved by so many.
I was the last person to talk to him.
I was alone with him,
 and lying by his side holding his hand when he died.

I miss him every damn day.

Look carefully at the tips of his fingers.


Sunday, June 3, 2018

Pillow Passion

Sometimes you turn a corner and in a glance
your heart does a flutter and you just know
there is something you adore and must have.

The Opal brand at Target is darling daughter's favorite, 
and I thought I would peruse for possible gifts for her.

Instead, for the first time since Christmas, 
I bought something for me.
I am still on my downsize passion,
and I donated five things last week, so I'm still on 
the right side of the scale.

Isn't she pretty?
I usually make all my pillows,
and I always buy when something is on sale,
but oh, I just loved this pillow at full retail!

I have this GORGEOUS black/tan fabric
that I have hoarded for years
and plan to make additional pillows to 
be pillow gal's friend.

I know I'm anthropomorphizing a
silly pillow but I don't care.
It's been 10 months since first Dr's appt 
and I'm soooo over it.
Yesterday I broke one of my toes.
Yeah yeah I know....


#45 is a fascist
His wife has disappeared, why is that
not #1 on every report?
(Please let her have come to her senses,
and please let her spill. Please let her true friends
help her and save her.)
Climate change is wreaking havoc daily,
but let's not believe in science.

We're playing games with a nuclear armed 
country with a psychopath in charge,
AND we've begun a trade war with many
 of our closest allies.

and VOTE!!!

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Clean and Simple Pinkcredible

My windows desperately needed to be cleaned.
I removed all the screens, scrubbed them off
 and started on the glass.

I did one at a time, sat and rested, did another - repeat.

This is shot through the super clean glass!

Seriously clean

Friends will tell you I find good terrific products.
I like this one a lot. Not cheap, but you use very little
 and whoosh - clean.
Bonus- It smells like almonds

I decided to store the screens until fall
as I will not open these windows
 all summer during 100 plus heat!
Now that I have all the empty space
in the garage, I can easily do that.
The view is nicer and greener,
clean and simple.

Sunday, May 13, 2018

Amazon Prime and Ring


There goes the Ring Doorbell

amazon prime


amazon prime

French Toast / Bacon
Breakfast Burrito and Home Fries
Holy Moly
Three meals

Call from Darling Daughter
and Tom


Call from Dearest Son and Helene


Cheer Up Food he says
Fat Hips Food
for days and days
amazon prime

I have such wonderful kids
I am so blessed

It's tough never being near them on 
Mother's Day, though I would never wish 
them to have to live here to be close by.
We all know what I need to do.

Amazon Prime can do everything else.
Can't they find me an affordable
 place to live near them?


Amazon Prime delivering Mama