Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Mixed Bag

I don't have a honey do list,
I have a damn I have to do this all myself list,
and guess what?
S**t gets done.

In the process of a "check off all this crap on the list" mania,
 I have been known to get a mite
uh... crabby, moody, frustrated, irritable...
OK generally pissed off
that King Putz planted trees that were way too large for my postage stamp yard,
that they are all deciduous requiring major leaf cleanup and that they were all given to me as Mother's Day gifts so the guilt of 
chopping them down and making stump seating and/or ash plate chargers out of them that I could boast about on pinterest
is out of the question.. 
and my affordable yard cleanup guy who always helps me
this time of year, is in jail.


Allergies, my newest friend the past 4 years
are loving the exposure to all the pollen, leaf mold
and pine buds I am exposing them to.
They are flourishing and rewarding me 
with cotton throat and itchy eyes. 
If you add that to the torn yoga pants,
coffee stained, once long sleeved t-shirt that I unceremoniously cut the sleeves off, (while I was wearing mind you), braless with the pendulous wonders hanging free, and throw in 
my needing to be dyed, 1 inch root showing hair pulled back
in a pony tail so tight, I have an "eye lift" ensemble
well, is it any wonder I do not have a honey
 to "DO" the to do list?

Is it a sign of my age that I no longer care who drives by and sees me in the front yard in this condition? They all speed by way too fast, so I am just a blur anyway. I do however try not to bend over with the uh "posterior" of me facing the street.
One does need to follow some neighborhood decorum.


The backyard is the target today,
as much as I can stand before my eyes swell shut.
Yeah, yeah hilarious...
I'm organized and hilarious but not a size 2.
The universe has some sense of fairness.

Mixed bag of indignities 
from an old bag who loves ya



Anonymous said...

I hear you!

Anonymous said...

oh my gosh, this is the best thing I have read all day! You made me laugh, not AT you but with you, I relate, oh yes I do!!!

Tina @ TinyBear Studio said...

Oh Boy - how I still wished I lived closer - I would come and help - I hear you about the clothes and what to wear ;-)

Blondie's Journal said...

Oh, I'm sorry...I had to laugh. It seems like the world is out to get you all at once sometimes!


regan said...

Holy crap! I'm laughing so hard I'm crying! LOL And you are NOT alone on this.....any of this! And can I just say that 'King Putz' sums it right up! Too funny!

Jacqueline @ HOME said...

Oh Z,
It's not an easy time you are having ........ rest assured that most of us ' more mature' ones out here in blogland look pretty similar when doing a bit of gardening and, why is it that we seem to spill so much more down our t shirts ?
Keep smiling and maybe take some antihistamines !!!! XXXX

NMK said...

This was Hysterical !!! Love your Bucket Idea too !

Anonymous said...

You made my day..Who am I kidding ya made my year..I laughed my A*& off reading this..Houston I have a visiual..LOL..Have a wonderful day..

Nella said...

Suz, I 'm still laughing! It is a good thing I live in the woods, I am a sight when I work in my garden....N.xo

joanne said...

oh crap, if this wasn't so very true I would be laughing with/at you!

Bead and Needle said...

I threw in the towel before I left, and went in and got a Kenalog shot, as I was starting in with ANOTHER sinus infection. Feeling MUCH better - should have done it a month ago...will know better next year! Don't work too hard out there, Z - XOXO

Kathy said...

You had me laughing out loud. I have gardening in the backyard and gardening in the front yard clothes - hahahahahaha!

jffollies said...

Oh!Yeah!That's me on certain days.Am looking forward to the day when I can do anything,wear anything and say anything without being committed. "Just old", the folks who know me will say.

Lorraine Finkbeiner said...

Too funny! Yes..toss it in the bucket and forget about it! See...that's why I can't find a yard guy...they're all in JAIL!

Tracey Broome said...

I brushed my hair yesterday for the first time I over a week! I had been wearing it in a braid so I didn't have to wash it. This is really pathetic, but I hate washing my hair, hate getting it cut, so I just look like a homeless person much of the time. I did wash it last night, now I look like Rosanna Roseanne Dana! We would make a lovely couple :)

Tracey Broome said...

Ps: bourbon helps with all that you mentioned!

Donna said...

When I first found your blog, I had to click on it b/c of the name.
You see, when my Dad was in the military, before I was born, he had sent a card to my Mom, which made reference to 'the old grey mare ain't what she used to be'...
romantic huh? I teased him to no end over that when I found it as a young adult. So your blog name drew me in, but I continue to love to visit b/c you make me laugh out loud, and who can't use more laughter in their life:-) Thanks for today's post. I too am a 'vision' when I go out first thing in the morning! Have a great day!

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Oh Z this cracked me up. I too have a I do it list and not as much help as I wished. Your description of the torn yoga pants, tshirt, braless (that is so me) and keeping my posterior pointed home...well I'm still laughing. Hang in there and hopefully you will get this mess done!
hugs, Linda

Minerva Black the shoppe keeping cat said...

Sheesh! I relate too! Life is for living and I love the way you embrace it. The satisfaction of doing is far greater than sitting around attempting to emulate magazine chic. Minerva ~

Jackie said...

I have a honey that can do the list..think he does...HAHA! Racecars come first in this family..but I did get him one sunday and I made him paint the living room!! But now I will be doing stuff myself for the next 8 months due to the dreaded racing season! It's ok I am finding lots of neat stuff on pinterest to make!!

Romeo said...

LMAO or should I be proper and say "posterior"?! Naw, I'll be improper and keep the a** part. More fitting it would seem in this circumstance. And for the record, if you have to give up being a size 2 (which by the way I was NEVER) to be hilarious and organized....well wbo needs to be skinny and search for tiny little clothes in the teen section anyway?!