Crotch Dew

So my pal Ronda sent me 

this and thought I should add it to 

my latest post.

Good idea as I was going to revisit

the topic being remiss in 

not mentioning 

Crotch Dew

in the earlier post.

Yeah, yeah,

we all go through it

and a lot of us feel we're the only

ones aging out faster than

blue cheese.

I love my age, I do.

The only reason I would wish to be young again

is to have more flexible joints. 

I'd like not to make noise when I sit down

or stand up, no pops, or grinds or groans.

My poor mom used 

to make "other" noises as she sat and arose

 and especially when she climbed stairs.

Thomas the Tank Engine was not a thing yet

or I'm sure the nickname "toot" would have happened.

Anyway crotch dew is just 

as unpleasant as boob sweat,

or swoob as I saw in an article yesterday.

I have switched to gowns to sleep in, 

spend the day in,

garden in,

Ok drive thru Wendy's last night in.

(I throw a shirt over top and it's a block away)

Crotch Dew is averted with  

soft sleeveless cotton gowns.

I got 4 this summer at Kohls.

50% off with addtl 30%

AHHHHHHH 

There is a reason that the ads for 

Poise and Always and such

are so much more prolific than before.

Baby Boomers are united in many, many ways.

Leaking, sweating and dewiness are just a few.

Laugh about it, talk about it.

We're all blue cheese.

Z

HOT HOT HOT BOOB SWEAT

DAMN

IT'S

HOT

(  (

I have always envied woman with 

small breasts. I believe that they

look better in clothes ( so does the entire

modeling empire) they can jog without harnessing,

after breast feeding, many do not then 

resemble tube socks with a tennis ball in the bottom.

They don't have an "under" ledge to them per se.

Yeah, yeah men like boobs.

So what, I say.

Right now at 113 degrees, even with my air conditioner 

in competition with every other one in the city,

and waiting for the afternoon brown out 

surely to come...

I have sweat.

BOOB sweat

UNDER THEM

 that then runs down 

where gravity takes it 

wherever.

They predict 110 -116 at least,

they say at least

for the next 7 days.

I cannot afford a high summer power bill so I keep 

the thermostat set at 80, it still runs constantly,

and run fans directly in front of me,

or behind me, depending on the room,

and whether I am vertical or horizontal.

Even so my Energy snapshot shows I'm over 

$200 with 15 days yet to go.

If even one of you says 

"But it's a dry heat", 

I'll have to throw Howie in the car

and head your way to live with you for the summer.

AS long as you live somewhere cool, or at least

on the ocean.

Believe me, you did not want a 

photo on this post.

There are 599,000 google

responses to sweaty breasts. Go there.

(  (

I Put My Bra On

Thought I would Honor 
my Mom's Birthday today by doing this again,
posted 3/19/2013
posted 3/19/2015
so once more with feeling, 
or third time's the charm,
and I still hate bras.


I put my bra on this morning,

so I had every intention of getting a lot of work done.

Doesn't everyone gauge their day by their undergarments?

I suppose I have a weird relationship 
with bras harking back to my first weeks of nursing.
Sending your hesitant but determined husband
 out to a specialty store for the "well developed"
in downtown Vegas, serving the 
uh.."specialty girls",
two days after delivery of your first born is 
challenging and hilarious.

Imagine him standing in the store,
explaining that no "regular"nursing bras I had
purchased pre-birth were even remotely large enough.
With the clerk hollering out directions, 
I have the phone perched in the
crook of my shoulder while measuring beneath, across,
up, down and around to aid the store in selecting the
over the shoulder boulder holder required
to hoist and rein in those babies;
a 44 EEE did the trick...
scaffolding required
prior size 36 B

No one is normally able to write their name
with breast milk, 
in cursive,
on the bathroom mirror, 
at a distance of 3 feet,
are they?
Picture grasping in both hands an unruly garden hose.

...and because some of you have just asked "why?"
He had made some snarky remark about them 
"not being that humongous"
and post birth hormones got the best of me, 
and yes, I did aim just to the left, 
off the mirror,
 for just a second, 
that's a lie..
I got him good...

Back to this morning.
Justice went through her terror cacophony
at around 5:30 so I got up and put on my bra.
Went outside to water the garden,
made some coffee, and started redoing
 some pincushions I had not sold.

Ran the vacuum, did two loads of laundry
and by now the bra straps were bothering
me, so I pulled them through the sleeves
`a la flashdance and let them dangle:
reassessed about 5 minutes later
and pulled the whole damn thing off.

These days spandex is more about
 gravity than girth, lon.gi.tude? no
though a definition of la.ti.tude
(scope for freedom of action) 
seems to fit

no other humans around
why bother?
gravity damage occurred long ago
after 32 months of nursing

Wave free my girls,
to and fro flapping in the wind....
insert mental image of American Flag flying
atop a local Terrible Herbst Station.

throw in the slap slap sound..

happy weekend girlfriends.