Friday, August 5, 2011

Looking Back


It seems she is looking back at me
 often these days, as she goes forth in her new life.
I could not watch the car drive away
 with her and her bags this morning.
Too many looking backs piling up around me.

Hannah and I went to the mall two days ago. I haven't been there in years, but she had a coupon for "free panties" from Victoria's Secret so of course we went because my girl is eternally frugal,
 and the word FREE was too alluring.

While wandering through the mall, we got a little "misty" about her leaving and she kept saying the word "panties" in such a goofy way just to make me laugh, until sure enough, I was snorting coffee out of my nose.


As we walked she kept reaching for my hand or laying her arm across my shoulder. I am her touchstone still.... this grown woman, little girl..
 I am her mama and we love each other so....

She is always looking back, checking that I am still here.
I would never be anywhere else 
for darling daughter and dearest son.
They are my life's work.
"Misty" day here I come and it's only 6:00 am.
sigh


z


31 comments:

www.MaisonStGermain.com said...

You are such a great Mom:) I'll bet she is as proud of you as you are of her. With todays technology it is so much easier to keep in touch with loved ones. I know it isn't exactly the same as having her by your side but so much better than not being able to talk to each other...daily....a few times a day. Hang in there:)
~Debra xxx
Capers of the vintage vixens

Robin Larkspur said...

Oh my, like I needed a post like this today!! My little girl is getting married next Saturday. Talk about misty...a lot of that going around. Could I have a hug and a box of tissue please!

Snappy Di said...

Panties, when you stop to think about it, really is sort of a funny word, isn't it? LOL
Funny, the things that make we mamas snort.

Di

Razmataz said...

Ok, now I am crying too. I was up early and was thinking about you this morning. Not all kids can count on their mum to be their touchstone. You and she have something very special. She is such a lovely girl. Gorgeous and kind. From the few minutes I spent with her, I see that something special.

I am sending you a big whopping hug from your Kenyan/English/Canadian friend. :)

Low Tide High Style said...

Suzan I can so relate to this post! When Mr. Tide was gone this week my son was off doing his own thing most of the time and of course my daughter has been out on her own for awhile now. And I realized that this is how it will now be when my husband is away. For years I've had my son and/or my daughter here to eat dinner and chat with me when he's been gone, but now that's all changing. My son did at least say each time he left "do you want me to stay and have dinner with you?" But like a momma bird, sometimes we have to just smile and say "no you go have fun, go live your life," even though it makes us a little sad inside. Thinking of you today and sending you a warm embrace, and wishing your daughter all the best!

Kat :)

The Boston Lady said...

I totally relate to all your mixed feelings and emotions. You have done well with your "life's work"! Hope you have some nice things happen to you today. Ann

Bead and Needle said...

Beautiful post, Z...she is so beautiful in that photo! Ya' did good, Mom - I love the free panties, too!

Need to get pictures of my "stuff" for you today - my newest creation for the store...a travel jewelry roll...and a necklace to fill one pocket.

Happy Misty Friday - do something with your hands today - don't stay misty all day! XO

Jill said...

I've been misty all week and now you post this. We move my second oldest back to college today. She's been home all summer and I have enjoyed her so. She adores her younger siblings and she is very nervous about the move today too. It almost seems as hard as when we moved her the first time last year, didn't see that coming. Here's to daughters going on their own and to the Mom's who support them on the home front. Cheers to you, Z and your beautiful daughter!

Jillayne said...

Such a beautiful post and what meaning you have given to that picture.
It's so true isn't it, that our place as they grow older is right behind them, smiling at them whenever they happen to check to see that we are still there.
Motherhood really is a blissful thing...

Kit said...

Hang in there Momma. So very hard I know. It is always hardest when you have such a wonderful relationship with your child. And that is a good thing. All of us other Momma's are shedding some tears for you. Hugs, Kit

Joy said...

Beautiful post, beautiful daughter. Although now, neither of you will be able to say the word "panties" again with a straight face.

Hope your "misty" day turns into a rainbow.

My Blessed Serendipity Life said...

Your daughter is beautiful. As a mother of two daughters I know the feeling. I have had to let go with both and see them evolve into young women. We are so proud to see them spread their wings, but at the same time we want to hug and hold them forever and never let them go. Bittersweet for sure. Through the joys and through the tears you will always be her mom.

xo,
Danielle

Tammy@Simple Southern Happiness said...

Oh my, what a touching post and tribute to the love you both have for each other.

I cried... YOU are so blessed.

Kathy said...

This is such a sweet post. I don't have any daughters but when my youngest son left home I couldn't think about his smile without crying. Big sigh.

So I will share the story about the day that I left home. We lived on a farm and my mother had "chores" to do after I left. She headed out walking accross the field and she was crying and not paying attention to where she was going. She took a wrong step and fell in a drainage ditch and broke her ribs.
Beware the ditches today!

Olive Cooper said...

I love that photo of her. As I type this my girl is upstairs cleaning and packing her things to go back to the dorm on the tenth. They are your Magnum Opus as Charlotte the spider said.

Faded Charm said...

You brought a little mist to my eyes just reading this, so I can't imagine how hard this is on you my friend. Mine are still young enough, but my son is a sophomre now and will fly the nest in a few short years and it's hard for me to imagine. I better really cherish these time I still have with them:-)

Take care,

xoxo
Kathleen

Carole said...

Sad day for the 2 of you. It seems like just yesterday you were telling me she was home.
Beautiful post! and a beautiful girl too.

x
Carole

Tina Eudora said...

I am right there with you Suzan. It is so hard to watch them walk off to new places and people. We won't be there to shield them from life's bumps or to hold them when they feel lonely or homesick.
There is not one day since my son left for Missouri 2 years ago that I don't miss the sound of his voice or wish he would walk through the door and say "Hi ma".
We survive like all moms before us because we have to, but it is a rocky road we walk on.
Love ya...hang in there mom!
Tina xo

Romeo said...

Oh Z, you are making me misty....what a beautiful photo of Hannah looking back at you....and trying to make you laugh and succeeding it would seem....I mean you don't always have coffee snorting out your nose....do you?!??

Hugs!

"Her" and Romeo

YONKS said...

Oh dear, I have this to come, my 20 year old will want to leave soon and I will miss her so much! I feel for you.
Dianne
YONKS

time worn interiors said...

Awh! How sweet! Aren't grown children just the best! Well, maybe I should have said mature children! Great kids there Z! Really something to be proud of1
tot

A Cottage Muse said...

Just beautiful Z!
You've summed up how I've been feeling today with my oldest. I'm sure she will be leaving the nest soon and I am hoping I am ready (I know she is). As I type this she is on her first vacation with her friends...Boston to Bermuda cruise. She seems so far away in more ways than one.

Susie said...

My daughter is driving her son to S.L.C. , Utah to grad school. he's has for the past 5 years only been 2 hours away. Now 1500 miles...my daughter will be crying all the way back to Indiana. As i have cried over leaving my daughters at school or different citys than where I live. It hurts..we love to see them grow, but I always wish my daughters were small again. Smiles to you honey, Susie

Evi said...

Suzan,
this post touched me so much, I was crying. As a mom of a boy, you would think it would be easier. But when our son left home, I felt sad for myself and somewhat lost, but happy for him.
You know it is their turn to conquer the world, good and bad.
I see in your writing, that you have given her all the love and the tools to stand on her own two feet.
Still, it will take some getting used to it.
I wish you all the strengh to not worry too much and to let go.
Suzan, by the way....look out for that treat that I am tossing your way....catch and be happy.
Many hugs, Evi

Cindy said...

Now I am crying! You are such a sweet mama to such a beautiful, strong young woman!

Jacqueline said...

Such a conundrum Z...our life's work is to see them walk out the door, confident, happy, healthy, ready to begin their independent lives...and yet it's the saddest of accomplishments.
Never has my heart been broken more than for all the leavings. And what's more, I've learned that it happens over and over and over again.
My heart joined with yours right now...

Theresa said...

You have me all misty now too, John leaves Tuesday and we are trying to fill every last moment with more wonderful memories before he gets on that plane. The beach yesterday was exactly what we needed.
Sending so much love you should be able to feel my hugs from here... t.xoxooxoxoxoxo

erin said...

you are da mama. da misty mama. i am choked up. please know, that she will be just fine, cuz, you are da mama.

Vicki said...

She is so beautiful. Your love has made her strong and confident enough to go out in the world and make her way. Great job Momma.

orchidlanedecor.com said...

Dang, I purposely didn't read this post when you put it up ... now I've darnwell scrolled down and read it. So I'm starting my day with tears in my eyes :) What a beautiful girl you have.

Suzy xxx

Hartwood Roses said...

I know exactly how you feel. Our middle daughter moved 2000 miles away four years ago, and I still miss her every day. Saying goodbye when she has come for a visit is like losing her all over again.

Okay, THAT wasn't very reassuring or comforting, was it. I just wanted to let you know that I've been there ... cell phones and email make it a lot easier.