Sunday, December 26, 2010

No Picture

I searched for a photo to show contentment-
something that signifies those big sigh moments.

The feeling is too deep, too personal,
too all encompassing with goodness and light 
and the belief in miracles and hope for our futures,
and I know it is so damnable fleeting,
so I grasp it leaving small holes where I clutched it 
to my breast with a sigh of such contentment 
my heart could burst.

No photos were taken yesterday, I could not pry myself 
away from being "in the moment" 
each blink of each moment
to get behind the lens and try to focus anything worthwhile. 
(and I'm SO bad at it anyway)
I will regret not having them, and curse 
my lazy butt for not at least trying to capture
the feelings, the laughter.
They are burned instead into my memory, 
a few more precious private moments
 with my children, mother to child.

It is truly all I will leave them.
Oh, I have imparted much wisdom to 
rolled back eyes and sighs of
"not again Mom" but I know it is the quiet 
memories that will live on in my children's hearts.
There will be tales told of how
 I mispronounce dinosaur every time, 
(and I wonder why the word comes up so damn often)
 and how I far too frequently need to "plan" what we are to do next, much to their dismay.

But when these tales are told it will be with love and 
humor as to who this Mother was to these children.

This day after, I hope you are nestled
 in the arms of those you love and 
are continuing to create magical
memories of your own.

Suzan

Note to self: 
Next year Z, hire a photographer!

19 comments:

sissie said...

How very sweet, and so beautifully said.

hugs
Sissie

Char said...

i know this feeling well. so very well - i've stopped taking photographs at family functions too - i found too often i was "recording" instead of participating.

Razmataz said...

It sounds like everythign went really beautifully. I am happy for you.!

Debra@Common Ground said...

No picture needed, dear Suzan. Your sentiments are perfect without one! Thank you for expressing them for all of us moms out there.
much love,
Debra

Charlene said...

Sounds like you had a marvelous Christmas! They roll their eyes but, they LOVE it & YOU! HUGS!
Charlene

Olive Cooper said...

Sweet Z. I also took no photos at all until today. It is being caught up in the moment of just living I think. I have to stop and think about taking photos.

north pal said...

susan,you do have a way with the words. you are a good woman. continue on with your rich life in the new year. Bestest,Denise

Theresa said...

that was so eloquently said, all of us moms out there are feeling your moments without the photos! It sounds like a beautiful day to be remembered...Theresa xoxo

erin said...

you have painted the perfect picture of it all with your beautiful loving words...i can feel it, i can see it....

xxoo

kitchu said...

such a beautiful post and the reminder i need to put my camera down and just... be. in this moment.

happy christmas to you :)

Theanne... said...

Nicely said...I regret that I no longer have Don to create memories with, I miss him right down to my bones, however, I have my Son, DIL, and 2 precious g'kids to create memories with and that will do quite nicely...Happy New Year to you and your family!

Tina Eudora said...

Well put Suzan! As mom's we all hold many special memories in our hearts that no words or photos can ever convey adequately. Those are to be treasured!
Wishing you and yours the very best New Year's ever....
Tina xo

Linda said...

Sweet post...I'm glad you were in the moment! Hopped over from My Heart's Ease...I'm a new follower!

Carole said...

Oh Z such a sweet post. You are such a good mom. It is so important to be in the present at times like these. I didn't take any pictures on Christmas either. Just wanted to soak it in and be in my own thoughts.
xo,
Carole

The Boston Lady said...

The most wonderful pictures are the ones we carry in our hearts because they can be viewed at any time through our memories. How apt your words were as we are sometimes too caught up trying to capture the moment on film only to find out later we missed the essense of that moment. So glad you soaked it all up and created yet more memories your children can take with them as they head out into their adult lives. (Besides, I get a kick out of hearing my children, 21 and 26, talking about their parent's eccenticities, because I know they really find them endearing). Ann

Rebecca said...

Such a sweet post, put tears in my eyes... such a lovely mother's heart you have.
I am so happy all worked out and you had a special Christmas.
Wishing you much love and joy in the new year that lies ahead.
Blessings my dear friend
Rebecca

Julie@beingRUBY said...

Hi Dear Suzan
Sounds like your christmas was wonderful!!! and I think much better to see it first hand.. It's true one misses the moment when behind the lens!!

I hope you and yours have a wonderful 2011. filled with love luck and good health.. and no dinosaurs!!!

ciao ciao dear Suzan.. xxx Julie

Pooch Purple Reign said...

i also had some really special sweet moments with my children... all together. i really cant think of anywhere else i would rather have been. also no photos :)
~laura xx

Relyn said...

I very happily found myself here last night and wanted to tell you that I enjoyed your music playlist for hours. When I got on the computer again today, I played it again. Thank you.