Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Empty Nest

A few years back Hannah left this for me
 to find one morning after she had 
returned to NYC.
It made me laugh.
It made me cry.
It hangs on the wall next to my desk.
Now it occasionally makes me misty.

DD is all packed and ready to leave early tomorrow.
One of her best buds is here cramming in some more 
best bud time and I can hear the chatter upstairs
 as I sit herepast midnight not wanting to sleep 
and miss a second of the sounds.

We did not get to do a lot of the things we had planned due
to the plague that descended upon my house last week.
All three of us in pj's an entire week, sick as could be.
The Beau has recovered and departed for LA, 
DD has a light cough and of course, 
I am still hacking away.

Bonding time with a twist. 
The poor Beau saw me sans makeup, 
washed hair or even clean clothes one day and vice-versa. 
We all sacked out in the family room 
amid piles of quilts, pillows, soups and Vicks.
I became "MOM" to him also.

I feel greedy wanting more time with the kids. 
I had kid company almost a full month 
and that has not happened in 5 years.
 I'm trying not to count the months till
the next visit, but it creeps into my mind.
I'm already planning a run to see
 Dearest Son and his love
ASAP. Thank Heaven he lives closer.
We managed several visits this year.
Each one more precious than the last.

The kids think if I were busier or "involved" that I would
miss them less. I know they are wrong.
Although I am thrilled for their lives far away, 
and always support their choices, 
I lived my entire adult life far from any family
 and I know it sucked. 
In a reverse way of course, missing my parents, 
but it still sucked.
I'm not the whiny "oh woe is me Mom"
 or a clingy Mom to them but 
I do miss them always, every day.
Having close, loving relationships
with your children is such a blessing,
but it also deepens the distance,
intensifies the longing for a mama 
away from her children.

I have weeks of work ahead so I will knuckle down
and tend to my chores and work on my projects
and bless Skype and telephones and emails.
Long ago when folks sailed to other countries
 or wagoned their way across this country 
and left loved ones behind,
often forever,
the sound of breaking hearts 
must have been a deafening roar.

An empty nest is a sad one.


Blondie's Journal said...

You. Are. Not. Alone.


Jill said...

Oh my goodness, that is the most adorable note!! I am happy you had so much time with them, sick or not, what a blessing that was!

Lin said...

Oh, how I HEAR you, Z.

Mine are far away, either by distance or just plain too busy to get together. Oldest daughter completely submerged in her career (working at the newspaper, writing free-lance articles, and owner/operator of the Boulder Outdoor Cinema). Son's family in Japan, their baby girl almost 1-yr. And youngest daughter's family in L.A. Sob. I too have thought of the ol' wagon trains and how the mama suffered without them near.

It's soooo difficult! But take heart. You do get to see them pretty often!

Sending GREAT BIG HUGS you way.

Linda @ A La Carte said...

I know how you feel. I am so lucky to live close to one of my daughters and my Grandson now, but my other girl is across the country from me and I must settle for a couple of visits a year! I will always miss them.

Tracey Broome said...

So sorry you guys were all sick. This was the first Christmas in five years one of us was not sick during the holidays. We got it early in September this year!
My baby (20 year old one) left yesterday, the house is like a tomb this morning.... I am sad and I miss her. She is sad and she misses me. However she only lives an hour away, so she will be back on Friday yippeee!
You are so right, I am busy and I am "involved" but I miss her terribly every second! It makes no difference.
feel better

Kathy said...

Big sigh...
My younger son and his wife will be moving to Pennsylvania is about 10 days. We have had him nearby for 34 years so we have been very blessed with that. I am putting on the brave face and rejoicing in their big adventure but my heart is aching, as well...

Kathleen said...

You're singing my song. Keeping busy helps but it's still the pits.

♥ Sonny ♥ said...

Hearing clearly , every word you typed..

we're here, if ya just wanna talk.

big southern hugs to you Z

Mrs Black the shoppe keeping cat said...

This post touched me deeply reminding me of my parents and the not often enough visits I made home when they were still alive. There is no place like home, and children never grow out of that. x

Sandi~A Cottage Muse said...

I love how you share your love for your kids here with us!
My son's winter break ends in a few days and he'll be back to college and I'll miss him terribly (and he's only 30 minutes away)!

Bead and Needle said...

A deafening ROAR, for sure...XOXOXO

Romeo said...

Aw Z :*( Take comfort that time will fly - it always does..... soon. Very Soon you will see them again.

Hugs and purrs,

"her" and Romeo

Claudia said...

I know it's hard to apart from your beloved children. I'm sorry you're facing another goodbye. As someone who has lived far away from her family for over 30 years, I absolutely get it. It's hard. You get by. You keep busy. But you're always aware of the distance between you and your loved ones.


Karen said...

What a treasure, that note. And.. I am always hoping that my children will settle down not far from us, as I would miss their close proximity dearly, this I know for sure.

Sure hope you are feeling better now.. I'm behind on post reading!

Evi said...

Z, your blog touched my heart. I know that you want them to have their own life, but it is so very, very hard to let the "chicks" go. I am glad you had a happy, bonding time together, despite being so sick.
Hang on to future visits.
When you wrote about people leaving their country and family, I had tears in my eyes, because I know how it feels....
Sending you lots of warm hugs, and well-wishes for a speedy recovery,

Art and Sand said...

Your "empty nest" really resonated with me. Our daughter went to college close enough to visit regularly, but after college she settled in San Francisco. In October, after 9 years in SF, she took a position with a company in our town and now lives just 4 houses away. On Tuesday, she flew to Salt Lake City for a conference. We have not seen her since Sunday night and both the dog and I are really missing her. How quickly I have gotten used to seeing her daily. We leave today to join her in SLC for a family ski trip. I cana't wait!