No Picture

I searched for a photo to show contentment-

something that signifies those big sigh moments.

The feeling is too deep, too personal,

too all encompassing with goodness and light 

and the belief in miracles and hope for our futures,

and I know it is so damnable fleeting,

so I grasp it leaving small holes where I clutched it 

to my breast with a sigh of such contentment 

my heart could burst.

No photos were taken yesterday, I could not pry myself 

away from being "in the moment" 

each blink of each moment

to get behind the lens and try to focus anything worthwhile. 

(and I'm SO bad at it anyway)

I will regret not having them, and curse 

my lazy butt for not at least trying to capture

the feelings, the laughter.

They are burned instead into my memory, 

a few more precious private moments

 with my children, mother to child.

It is truly all I will leave them.

Oh, I have imparted much wisdom to 

rolled back eyes and sighs of

"not again Mom" but I know it is the quiet 

memories that will live on in my children's hearts.

There will be tales told of how
 I mispronounce dinosaur every time, 

(and I wonder why the word comes up so damn often)
 and how I far too frequently need to "plan" what we are to do next, much to their dismay.

But when these tales are told it will be with love and 

humor as to who this Mother was to these children.

This day after, I hope you are nestled

 in the arms of those you love and 

are continuing to create magical

memories of your own.

Suzan

Note to self: 

Next year Z, hire a photographer!